He Has Already Read the Book, So He’ll Pass on the Movie

Pat Williams, president of the Orlando Magic and former general manager of the Philadelphia 76ers, has read Charles Barkley’s autobiography, “Outrageous!” Some random thoughts:

--”Charles once told me he would write his autobiography as soon as he could figure out who the main character should be.”

--”The publisher, in reality, has published two books--his first and last.”

--”He does have a sequel ready--it’ll be called ‘I Never Met A Problem I Didn’t Cause.’ ”

--”Once you put it down, you can’t pick it up.”

--”Its chief fault is the covers are too far apart.”

--”I don’t know if he’s a great writer, but anyone who finishes his book is a great reader.”

Trivia time: What was the lowest scoring game in the NBA?

Really outrageous: The Washington Post’s Tony Kornhesier summed up Charles Barkley’s year:

“--Fined $5,000 for yelling at his own coach in the 76ers’ locker room.

“--Fined $10,000 for spitting on a fan--an 8-year-old girl!--in New Jersey. (He insisted he was spitting at someone else, a heckler, and pleaded nolo aim-o.)

“--Cited for disorderly conduct in Milwaukee after he tossed a tray full of cups of water into the stands.

“--Accused Philadelphia of racism and predicted the 76ers would keep useless reserve center Dave Hoppen on the roster to avoid having an all-black team.

“--Decided he’d wear No. 32 in honor of Magic Johnson, although the 76ers had already retired No. 32 in honor of Billy Cunningham.

“--Claimed he had been misquoted in his own autobiography. (He later said he would live with the quotes, thus avoiding what Philadelphia columnist Bill Lyon called “litigation history--the first man to sue himself for libel.”)

“--Arrested in Milwaukee on a battery charge for allegedly breaking a man’s nose with one punch--with his left, not his shooting hand--after the man taunted him outside Rosie’s Water Works at 2:30 a.m. Lt. Gregory Baur of the Milwaukee Police Department said the punch moved the man’s nose “about three-quarters of an inch to the left.” (“I can only ignore so much,” Barkley said in his own defense.)

“Oh, and he was named to the U.S. Olympic team--basketball, not boxing--and established that he is the best basketball player in the world not named Mike.”

They do and they don’t: John Junker and Chuck Johnson, Fiesta Bowl officials, answered critics of college athletics in an Arizona Republic column. Of the school of thought that bowls are too greedy to allow a playoff system, they wrote: “If you believe the ‘greed of the bowls’ theory, you’re probably one of those that believes Elvis is alive and living in Bolivia.”

But in an adjacent Republic article, the bowl officials mentioned that they had left two Fiesta Bowl tickets for Elvis at will-call.

They prefer swimming pools: Jari Kurri, who scored a disappointing 11 goals in the first half of the season for the Kings, found himself below 91 others on the NHL scoring list at the midway point. “Good thing they don’t know about hockey pools in Los Angeles,” he said.

Trivia answer: The Ft. Wayne Pistons defeated the Minneapolis Lakers, 19-18, on Nov. 22, 1950. Note: The game was played before the league initiated a 24-second clock.

Quotebook: George Foreman, on a potential fight this year against another oldie, Larry Holmes: “They’ll need a lot of rheumatism medicine for that one.”