Will It Keep Junior From Climbing Out of His Seat?

Here’s one for Woody Allen and all his jokes about Californians learning to coexist with earthquakes.

It’s Quake Hold, a new product meant to soothe the minds and protect the possessions of those of us seized by high anxiety over temblors.

Just the thing to keep grandma’s china or your wedding crystal from smashing to the ground when The Big One hits. (Also to help household breakables survive the daily onslaught of kids and ham-fisted house cleaners.)

It’s rubbery, malleable stuff, Silly Putty-like, cooked up by Dean and Dran Reese of Fallbrook.

Dean says it’s been tested by the Los Angeles Fire Department during a quake drill and really tested by half a dozen homeowners in Big Bear during the real thing.

Dean, 32, is in commercial real estate (with an office in Sorrento Valley). Dran, 20-something, is in marketing and fashion consulting.

They looked at the California business climate and saw seismic opportunities. Is this a vibrant economy or what?

The Reeses have had other “concepts” but this is their first product. They think the market is big, big, big.

“It’s huge,” Dean enthuses. “There are 3,000 earthquakes annually in California. There are 8 million people in California who have earthquake insurance.

“Quake Hold is a way to prevent the heartbreak of having your mother’s heirlooms that she passed down to you destroyed because of an earthquake.”

You stick it on the bottom of your prized figurines, vases, antiques, bowling trophies, collectibles or whatever. It’s white; it doesn’t come off on your hands; it adheres like crazy, like the glue for Uncle Chick’s dentures.

The Reeses figure it’s a natural for museums protecting their Mings from movement, and cruise ships worried about the rock and roll of sea travel.

Quake Hold is just now being rolled out at Big Bear (the markets, not the city), K-Mart and Value-Craft; $20 for a glob large enough for the average house.

There’s a 24-hour number: (818) 301-0891. There are television commercials in the quake-shaky San Francisco Bay Area.

“It doesn’t make sense not to do Quake Hold,” says Dean. “Not in California it doesn’t.”

Here Comes the Judge

Look here.

* A woman called KNSD (Channel 39) mad as bejabbers:

“How can you get keep that judge on the air now that he’s been accused of sex harassment and blackmail?”

The newsie who took the call tried to respond but the woman wouldn’t let him and continued to blast away about how dreadful the station is being and how awful are the things the judge is accused of doing.

Finally, the newsie overrode the woman’s angry voice long enough to say that it’s Judge Wachtler of the New York Appeals Court who stands accused of naughty things, not Judge Wapner of TV’s “People’s Court.”

“In that case, never mind,” said the woman, or words to that effect.

* Speaking of Channel 39, that was a good line about the changing San Diego economy, “from aerospace to burger place.”

* A movie production company, Aces and Eights, is sniffing at the story of James (Doug) Pou, the Air Force sergeant who faked his death, went AWOL and lived a double-life before being busted in San Diego.

* Ex-Planning Director Robert Spaulding has told people that the City Council member who put political considerations above all else most frequently in land-use decisions was Bob Filner.

The one who did so the least frequently: Wes Pratt.

* Yes, a woman actually called the San Diego police because her toilet backed up.

Sorry, we’re a tad busy. Think Roto-Rooter.

* San Diego State has been named by Playboy magazine as one of the nation’s top party schools. A full listing (plus nude student bodies) is planned for April.

* Bumper sticker seen outside the downtown Bank of America: “Just Say No to CD’s!”

Hey, at 2.86% interest, that’s not hard to do.

Everyone’s a Joker

Bob Ross of Bonita says he heard about a guy whose girlfriend ran off with a tractor salesman and sent the poor sap a John Deere letter.

(I want to believe him, I really do.)