Help Available to Avoid Many Parenting Traps

Your grade-schooler has been parked in front of the television for more than an hour. Your repeated requests to turn it off and get on with homework go unheard. What are your choices? (a) Lose your cool and start a shouting match, (b) Avoid conflict and let him or her watch some more or (c) Sit down together and set up some rules.

The choice here may seem fairly obvious but, in reality, sometimes difficult to enforce when you also have to make dinner, keep a doctor’s appointment, fold the laundry and finish the work that you brought home.

At one time or another, the seemingly endless demands of parenthood leaves almost all parents perplexed, overwhelmed and in need of help and support. North County schools and other community agencies have now stepped up efforts to fill this need with an array of parent education programs.

Combining lectures, group discussions and role playing, these parenting classes offer guidance on how to tread the often stormy waters of parenthood. Topics cover a broad spectrum of parenting issues, ranging from effective communication to helping your child adjust in a blended family.

The need for such help has never been greater, according to Kenneth Breeding, a North County psychologist who has been involved in parent education programs for the Vista School district and Palomar College. On the one hand, says Breeding, the traditional authoritarian methods of parenting that many of today’s parents were exposed to don’t work anymore. On the other hand, experiments with extreme permissiveness in parenting have also failed, leaving today’s parents in quest of new ways of forging happy and healthy family relationships.

The parent education program in the Vista schools grew out of a need for guidance in the often “overwhelming task for parenting,” says Breeding.

Parenting seminars form the core of its program. This year, the monthly seminars will address issues such as parenting the teen-ager, helping children cope with divorce, discipline and recognizing and dealing with depression in children.

At Ditmar Elementary School in Oceanside, the parent education program has evolved out of the particular needs of its families.

According to principal Sherry Freeman de Leyva, the school has implemented a three-pronged approach to parent education--a family literacy program, parenting education seminars and a strong effort to draw parents into the school as volunteers. The program grew out of the realization that parental involvement was critical to a student’s success. “If we want the students to succeed, we’ve got to tie in the parents,” Freeman de Leyva said.

Parent education in the Poway district grew out of a need to forge stronger contacts between the parents and schools, said Sharon Jahn, director of the district’s wellness program.

The district offers positive parenting classes for families of elementary and middle-school students. Project Change, a six-week program for families of students with problems of truancy, drug and alcohol use, is offered six times a year. In early October, the district, in cooperation with the Clean Foundation, sponsored its annual Family Festival, a daylong series of lectures and seminars by a panel of experts.

In addition, individual schools in the Poway district have initiated their own efforts to help parents.

At Canyon View Elementary School in Rancho Penasquitos, the PTA-sponsored Resource Awareness for Parents program is blossoming in its second year. The response from parents has been phenomenal, PTA president Ramona Trees said. In addition, events such as family sleep-overs and bingo nights have become part of an effort to draw parents closer to the school. The school library also features a parent resource section with books, magazine articles and videos on parenting.

In Solana Beach, parent education takes on a new meaning. The three programs thriving in the school district (Books and Beyond; Parenting Through Math, Science and Beyond; and Family Literacy) involve the entire family in the learning process. According to Sue Holtcamp, assistant director of special projects, the programs were in response to increasing evidence on the importance of parental involvement in the child’s success in school.

Books and Beyond originated in the Solana Beach schools 14 years ago and has been adopted by several schools nationwide, Holtcamp said. The program promotes reading by the entire family and helps children become discerning television viewers.

The math and science program is offered as three hands-on workshops where parents and children experiment and learn together. According to Holtcamp, the program is designed to get parents and students excited about math and science. “They learn not to be scared by math and science, to get excited about it and enjoy it,” she said.

The family literacy project, designed primarily for Spanish-speaking parents, promotes literacy in Spanish and English. The life skills unit helps immigrants learn skills to adjust to their new environment.

Parenting classes are offered year-round by For Parents’ and Kids’ Sake, a nonprofit social service agency in Poway. Classes are for parents as well as other primary caregivers such as grandparents and foster parents, according to Beverly Andreos, executive director.

“The classes involve a lot of role playing, and people actually see the parent-child interaction. Sometimes the sessions also become therapeutic for the parents when they uncover facts about how they were parented, and some of it may be painful,” Andreos said.

Other services provided by For Parents’ and Kids’ Sake include family counseling, support groups for teens, single parents and abused women. For more information, call 748-3610.

Other sources of parenting education in North County include Lifeline Community Services in Vista (726-4900); Palomar Counseling Services in Escondido (745-3811); Palomar College (744-1150, Ext. 2206).

For more information on the programs offered by area schools, contact your local school or the school district office. Most of the parenting classes at schools are free and include child care.