NFL Might Have to Face a Violation of Neutrality

New Orleans has always been a good place to hold two things--an oyster and a Super Bowl.

Why? Two reasons.

One, New Orleans is a fun town. In my opinion, New Orleans is more fun than any town should be allowed to be.

And two, New Orleans is a neutral site.

The NFL takes it on faith that the New Orleans Saints might play inside a Superdome, but will never actually be in a Super Bowl.

Most of the New Orleans teams that we have seen over the years would have had trouble winning a Bud Bowl.

I remember a time when the only sacks this team got were the ones their fans wore over their heads.

However, tabbing the Louisiana Superdome as a “neutral field” is becoming a greater gamble as the years go by.

As you could see for yourself during most of this season, including Sunday’s 37-14 silencing of the Rams, today’s Saints are better than ever.

What’s more, they are as overdue as last month’s rent.

I don’t know how any team could go this long without winning an NFL playoff game. All I can say is, New Orleans is a city that knows how to throw a party, but which never gets to throw itself one.

So, on behalf of sociable Southern California, we would like to extend an invitation to the po’ old Saints to take part in Pasadena’s swinging Super Bowl coming-out party come Jan. 31.

After all, New Orleans has always been an excellent host to us. Let us be an excellent host to it.

Here are my 25 Reasons Why the New Orleans Saints Should Be Invited to Super Bowl XXVII:

1. Chance to meet people who think “gumbo” is host of NBC morning show.

2. Pasadena willing to keep bars open until well past 11 p.m. (both of them.)

3. Chance to meet people who think “Huey Long” is lineman for L.A. Raiders.

4. Hey, you want to see “preservation” hall, check out waiting room at Pasadena plastic surgeon’s.

5. Saint fans who still wear bags over heads could go into California stores and be offered: “Paper or plastic?”

6. We have always enjoyed this quarterback of yours, Hebert, particularly with Siskel.

7. Chance to meet people who think hush puppies are shoes.

8. Curious custom we have here in California--outdoor football.

9. Chance to meet people who figure “Marty Grah” must be somebody’s agent.

10. Dreams of New Orleans people celebrating World Series, Stanley Cup or NBA championship remote at best.

11. Vegetarian jambalaya.

12. Chance to meet people who think “Saint offense” was TV series about Boston hospital.

13. Colorado Boulevard exactly like Bourbon Street, except nobody stands out on sidewalk shouting at sailors to come on in.

14. Chance to meet people who wonder why Louisiana purchase was made with cash instead of gold card.

15. California lottery to introduce special “Name Five New Orleans Saints” game.

16. New Orleans fans can amuse selves after game by walking from Rose Bowl to nearest night-life district. Nearest night-life district being Sunset Strip, crisp 20-mile walk should prove to be excellent exercise.

17. Can also amuse selves by asking Pasadenans to name favorite jazz artist, then hearing popular response: “Karl Malone.”

18. Sympathetic fund-raisers eager to pledge money to New Orleans football player tragically stricken with “iron head.”

19. AFC opponent probably no worse than three-touchdown underdog to New Orleans.

20. Gallery owners and Norton Simon Museum proprietors can argue for hours over the eerie and abstract artwork they find on the New Orleans helmets.

21. Chicory decaf.

22. Saint kicker Morten Andersen could get huge World Cup offer if he plays cards right.

23. New Orleans tourists should get goose bumps from new Blaze Starr thrill ride at Universal Studios.

24. Chance to meet people who think “Maravich” is quarterback for L.A. Raiders.

25. Chance to meet people who think “gumbo” is Disney cartoon elephant.