Watching Film Never Got Him a Hand Before

Columnist Tom Cushman of the San Diego Union-Tribune recalls when Miami Coach Don Shula and his late wife, Dorothy, were on a getaway visit to a small village in Maine after the Dolphins won their second consecutive Super Bowl.

Entering a movie theater, they heard applause from a small gathering. “I told Dorothy,” Shula recalled, “ ‘I can’t believe this. They recognize me all the way up here.’ ”

Not quite. A man shook Shula’s hand and said: “I wanted to thank you for coming. The manager just announced that if there weren’t 10 people here soon, he wasn’t going to show the movie. You put us over the top.”

Trivia time: Who holds the Laker career record for highest field-goal percentage?

Nothing to it: Bill Walton was playing for the Boston Celtics in 1986 when they beat Walton’s former teammates, the Trail Blazers, in Portland.

Peter Vecsey of USA Today was on that trip and recalled that Walton said: “I can’t believe it. This is the first time I’ve won in Portland since I left.”

The Celtics’ Larry Bird quickly responded: “What’s so hard to believe about that? This is the first time you’ve played here with me.”

Comedy scheme: With tongue in cheek, columnist Art Spander of the San Francisco Examiner has some predictions for 1993, such as: “Baseball will hire Billy Crystal as next commissioner, on the premise that if you’re going to laugh at the guy in charge, there might as well be a legitimate reason.”

Come again? Coach Ted Marchibroda of the Indianapolis Colts had this pregame analysis of last Sunday’s NFL playoff game between Miami and San Diego:

“I think the Chargers have the edge because they are more physical as a team and have more impact players on defense.”

The Chargers lost to the Dolphins, 31-0.

Stay away: It has been rumored that Mike Ditka, recently fired as coach of the Chicago Bears, will replace Joe Bugel as coach of the Phoenix Cardinals.

The Chicago Tribune reported that two Phoenix players who formerly played for Ditka aren’t eager to play for him again.

“It would be worse than cultural shock,” safety Dave Duerson said. Running back Johnny Bailey added: “Ditka wouldn’t fit. The change would be from a players’ coach to a terror.”

Omission: From hockey commentator Don Cherry: “When I said my prayers as a kid, I’d tell the Lord I wanted to be a pro hockey player. Unfortunately, I forgot to mention ‘National Hockey League,’ so I spent 16 years in the minors.”

Looking back: On this day in 1968, the Green Bay Packers beat the Oakland Raiders, 33-14, in Super Bowl II.

Trivia answer: Wilt Chamberlain, 60.5% from 1969 to ’73.

Quotebook: Michael Jordan, on why he majored in geography at North Carolina: “I knew that I would be going places, and I just wanted to know where I was when I got there.”