PRO FOOTBALL / BILL PLASCHKE : Oilers on the Buddy System Again

Life around the Houston Oilers has improved to the point where the players are no longer trying to maim each other in practice.

It has been days since the offensive and defensive coordinators have walked the sidelines screaming nasty things about one another.

Coach Jack Pardee no longer takes calls on his radio show from people saying, “Coach, this is Andy from Alvin. Why don’t you quit?”

Life has even improved so much that there are usually 11 men on the field at one time. And believe it or not, they are usually all running the same play.

Life has not improved so much that defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan knows the names of any of his players.

But hey, you can’t have everything, and the Oilers will take their five-game winning streak into Sunday night’s nationally televised showdown with the Pittsburgh Steelers with a smile.

If they win their sixth in a row for the first time since 1962, maybe the players on a much-improved defense will even revise their Ryan ratings.

“During the films, Buddy will shout something like, ‘No. 96, you’re . . . ; No. 24, you’re a . . . ,” said safety Marcus Robertson, a Pro Bowl candidate who is tied for third in the league with six interceptions. “We have a rating scale here, based on what each of Buddy’s curses really mean, and which is the worst.”

Robertson, from Pasadena Muir High, has been called everything but, well, Robertson. This even though his three interceptions against Cleveland last week tied a club record set 22 years ago.

“Buddy still hasn’t called me by my name, but that’s OK, I’m used to it now,” he said. “We finally understand what Buddy is trying to accomplish. And we believe in it.”

The statistics indicate that. Although the Oilers have beaten only lightweights--Cincinnati twice, Seattle, New England and Cleveland--during their streak, the defense has given up only 12.6 points a game, after having given up 22.8 during the first five.

The offense has also improved. Warren Moon has thrown for 11 touchdowns--with five interceptions--during the streak. The numbers were reversed in the first five games.

And gone are the days when there would be a fight a day during practice.

“Buddy wanted to make it into a hitting defense, and our offense paid the price,” Robertson said.

And gone forever, Robertson hopes, are the memories of that nationally televised humiliation at Buffalo in October, a 35-7 thumping that included seven Oiler turnovers.

“I remember, sometimes during that game, we had either 10 or 12 guys on the field, everybody running around, nobody knowing what they were doing,” he said. “Now, it all has sort of clicked.”

Either that, or that noise is coming from the gun that the Oilers are going to use to shoot themselves in the foot again.

GO 10 YARDS, CUT RIGHT, AND I’LL HIT YOU FOR A MEMORY

While many spent parts of this holiday weekend falling over bushes and in-laws while playing Turkey Bowl football games, four salesman and a truck driver from Milwaukee are doing something about their dreams.

Inspired by lost opportunities, the five men are so determined to win an NFL Air-It-Out flag football competition that they will travel almost anywhere for a chance.

Besides having competed in Green Bay, they have driven or flown to four of the six other contests so far, in Cleveland, Chicago, Kansas City and, this weekend, Dallas.

“My wife can’t believe what I am doing,” said center Nick Allen, 25, part owner of a tool-cutting business. “Even some of the guys who play football with us on Saturday mornings think we are crazy. But we saw this and said, ‘This is something we have to do.’ ”

They were kicked out of the competition at Green Bay for fighting, finished third in Chicago, and haven’t come close anywhere else.

Yet “the Cheeseheads,” as they call themselves, have spent hundreds of dollars on everything from maintenance on a Chevy Blazer, their team bus, to rental fees for an indoor soccer facility where they hold late-night practices.

Allen was a third-string high school quarterback who remembers the time the second-stringer showed up in the middle of the game and still played ahead of him.

Quarterback Scott Obst, 25, remembers failing to run back a punt that could have given his high school team the state championship. Steve Grunwald, 21, remembers being knocked out before another state championship game. He doesn’t remember the rest of the game, a loss. Pete Thigpen, 31, usually plays on Saturday mornings between truck-driving shifts.

“What has happened to a lot of us, getting so close to winning, it’s like we want to complete something in our lives,” Obst said. “This is it.”

If they don’t win in Dallas this weekend, they will have only two more chances to qualify for the finals in South Florida.

One of those chances will be when the Air-It-Out competition comes to Southern California at L.A. Pierce College Jan. 8-9, and UC Irvine Jan. 15-16 (details, (310) 829-5226).

BYE BYE

It is with great delight this weekend that we formally drop from our vocabulary that obscene three-letter word, the bye .

During the final six weeks of the season, every team will play every week.

What a novelty. Think of the possibilities.

Highlight shows will actually have highlights. Teams can actually build momentum. There might even be some exciting games that don’t involve ice or punt returns.

Ah, but the memories.

The Bye Week Award for Fooling Yourself goes to all those coaches who claimed that the two weeks off would help their injured mend. So far, teams coming off bye weeks are 7-16 against teams that played the week before.

The Bye Week Award for Inventiveness goes to Coach Don Shula of the Miami Dolphins, who used a bye week to get married.

The Bye Week Award For Making News When Nothing Is Happening goes to Coach Bobby Ross of the San Diego Chargers, who was reportedly spotted at Clemson during one bye week, fueling rumors that he will be the Tigers’ next coach. Ross denied ever leaving the office.

The Bye Week Vacation Citation goes to the New York Giants, who were given five consecutive days off during one bye week.

JUST A THOUGHT

--About that shoe commercial featuring Dennis Hopper acting like a nutty former referee while gushing over the league’s best players: Who thought of it? And what on earth were they thinking?

--Bet Leon Lett wasn’t the only one watching the Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving who didn’t know that once a blocked field goal crosses the line of scrimmage, it is treated the same as a punt.

--Before crowning Jimmy Johnson best coach on the planet, realize that you don’t see Don Shula’s players making that kind of mistake.

--Even with the oldest player in the league at quarterback, Steve DeBerg, and a struggling running game, could it be that Shula will experience a victory in a couple of months that will be even more rewarding than his 325th?

--Quit saying that the Detroit Lions’ season has ended because Barry Sanders tore a ligament in his knee on Thanksgiving. Their season was over before that.

Against the Green Bay Packers in Sanders’ final full game, the Lions still gained only 205 yards. Even their fifth-place schedule can’t save them now.

--Cheers to Saint defensive linemen Les Miller, Pig Goff, Jim Wilks, Wayne Martin, Karl Dunbar and Ronnie Dixon.

Less than 24 hours after having been embarrassed by the San Francisco 49ers’ offense on national TV, they spent their only day off last week passing out turkey in a New Orleans shelter.