Conversation With Reginald Brass : ‘They Put Fathers in One Big Pot and Stereotype Us’

Three years ago, Los Angeles father Reginald Brass formed My Child Says Daddy, a support and advocacy group for divorced fathers who want an active role in the upbringing of their children. The group features guest speakers and seminars to promote parental responsibility, payment of child support and increased visitation and custody roles for fathers. In recent months, the group has sought to address difficulties faced by fathers within the court system, which is geared to deal with “deadbeat dads” but has few provisions for those who do pay child support and who want to be actively involved in rearing their children. Brass was interviewed by Jill Stewart.

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Question: Who has joined “My Child Says Daddy” and what exactly are they seeking?

Answer: Every other Monday, anywhere from 20 to 40 people come to our meetings. We deal with fathers, from teen-agers all the way to 60-year-old men, of all races. Some gave up on their children at one time. Our key warning is don’t give up on your child’s life and don’t neglect your child-support payments because that’s the worst thing you can do. Most fathers come to us because they can’t see their child, have been pushed out of their child’s life and the court has sided with the mother.

Q: What is your group’s philosophy?

A: That a strong father presence is needed in the American family. If not, the white and Latino communities will start experiencing the same family breakdown that my own black community is experiencing, which stems from the absence of the father. We believe fathers must share responsibility in raising their children. The fact is that 70% of all juvenile delinquents come from fatherless homes, according to the Justice Department. So let’s put the father back in these children’s lives to curb this.

Q: How do you see the courts as failing fathers and families?

A: They put fathers in one big pot and stereotype us. This becomes a gender problem of men against women and fails to address the best interests of the child. Fathers who seek us out usually tell us that their ex-wife lied about abuse or neglect to prevent them from seeing the child. We try to help fathers understand what they’re up against in trying to remain active in their child’s life. We find that most men are intimidated by the court system because everybody looks at it as a win-lose situation where the women always win.

Q: What is the single biggest complaint you hear from fathers?

A: When the woman breaks the court order, she is not punished. For instance, when it’s your day to see your child and she refuses, you have to drag her back to court and the judge invariably says, “Don’t do it again, ma’am.” Typically, there is no penalty against the mother for cutting the father out, so the mother repeats the pattern at will.

Q: Can legislation strengthen the role divorced fathers play?

A: We supported Senate Bill 2930 in 1992 by Assemblywoman Gwen Moore (D-Los Angeles), which would have helped protect parents from false accusations of abuse or neglect in child custody cases. Any parent found lying to keep another parent away would have to pay attorney costs andcould lose custody of the child. The legislation was knocked down. Assemblywoman Moore plans to reintroduce it.

Q: Are you getting any support from other political leaders?

A: Gov. Pete Wilson has assigned someone in his office to work with us. I met with Los Angeles Dist. Atty. Gil Garcetti, and he gave our organization a lot of praise because he’d never seen a father-based group that wants to pay child support.

Q: What obstacle to active fatherhood could be fixed most easily?

A: The way the district attorney’s office doesn’t work hand-in-hand with the family law courts. One of our members hasn’t been able to see his child for 11 years, even though child support money is being taken out of his check. The district attorney’s office knows where the child is, but they don’t get involved in custody disputes and won’t tell him the address. He has never been accused of any neglect or abuse, but he’s helpless. If he goes to court to get an order to see his child, he can’t serve his ex-wife the papers because he cannot get her address. It’s a tragic Catch-22.

Q: How would you change California’s custody or visitation laws?

A: We want an open schedule for custody. For instance, if the father works days and the mother works nights, the father could have custody for the half-day that he is free, and the mother for the other half-day. The court would create as much time as possible with both parents, much more customized. Right now the courts approach it backward, starting with as little as two hours every other week for the father and forcing the father to fight for more. Q: Are you trying to reach out to teen-age and unwed fathers?

A: Yes. We feel if we get into high schools and teach young fathers how to be responsible men while the mother is pregnant, there’s a good chance for healthier, happier children. We’ve spoken to kids at high schools in Los Angeles. We have spoken at St. Anne’s Maternity Home for unwed girls (in Los Angeles) who are wards of the court. I’ve spoken to at least 500 kids since we started, and to several thousand parents. We get good responses from kids. Q: What are your plans?

A: We will give a free seminar for parents on how to deal with the court system and parental rights. We have some family law attorneys committed to speaking to us, and we hope to have some judges speak. We hope to arrange it for just before Father’s Day.

My Child Says Daddy can be reached at (213) 296-8816.