Users’ Guide to SubCal, the Land the Postseason Forgot

Dark Ages, Europe. General term for the centuries of decline in Europe, circa 500-1000 A.D., after the fall of the Roman Empire, a period during which ignorance and barbarism were the prevailing forces and classical culture was stifled.

Dark Ages, Southern California. General term for the years of athletic decline in Los Angeles, Anaheim and San Diego, circa 1993-1994 A.D., after the fall of the Rams, Lakers and Kings, a period in which Donald Sterling and Tom Werner were the prevailing forces and championship-caliber performance was stifled.

Welcome to the bad old days, to the land the postseason forgot.

Neither one of our pro hockey teams--the Kings and the Ducks--qualified for the NHL playoffs this season.

Neither one of our pro basketball teams--the Lakers and the Clippers--came close to making the NBA playoffs.

None of our three major league baseball teams--the Dodgers, the Angels and the Padres--have a winning record.

And only one of our three pro football teams--the Raiders--participated in the most recent Super Bowl tournament.

That’s one for 10, Southern California.

Ten major professional sports teams, one playoff participant within the last 12 months.

And the Raiders might be in Connecticut, or Florida, or Al Davis’ own private Idaho this time next year.

Had the Raiders lost only one more game last season, finishing 9-7 instead of 10-6, it would have been a clean sweep, a perfect .000. Ten up. Ten down. L.A. now stands for Lost Again. SoCal has become SubCal. And the name of the place is no longer San Diego--it’s Sans Benito . . . and Sheffield . . . and McGriff . . . and Miller . . . and Butts.

How did this happen?

Who’s to be held accountable?

A partial listing, from least hapless all the way down to the Padres--a Top 10 (or Bottom 10; the choice is yours) for our times and tribulations:

1. RAIDERS

High Water Mark: Won Super Bowl in 1983.

Since Then: Usually around .500, with the odd appearance in the AFC championship game (1990) and the odd performance in the AFC championship game (Buffalo 51, Raiders 3).

Villain: Al Davis. He railroaded Marcus Allen out of town, then watched his ’93 team finish one tailback short of the Super Bowl. Now trying to replace him with the tailback Allen kept on the bench in Kansas City, Harvey Williams.

Best player: Tim Brown. Had one foot and four toes in Denver before Davis came to his senses and grudgingly re-signed him.

2. DODGERS

High Water Mark: Won World Series five times in L.A., most recently in 1988.

Since Then: No playoff appearances, though they fell short by one game in 1991. Lost a franchise record 99 games in 1992, have played exactly .500 ball since. In today’s NL West, that means contention.

Villain: Darryl Strawberry. If they release him, the Dodgers are screwed. If they play him, the Dodgers are screwed.

Best Player: Mike Piazza. Unfortunately, he’s only responsible for calling the pitches, not throwing them.

3. DUCKS

High Water Mark: Tied NHL expansion record with 33 victories in 1993-94.

Since Then: Waiting for sophomore jinx to kick in.

Villain: San Jose Sharks. Their 6-0 record against the Ducks decided the final playoff spot in the Pacific Division--and look what the Sharks have done with it.

Best Player: Paul Kariya. Still unsigned. He and Ducks now only a couple million dollars apart.

4. KINGS

High Water Mark: Reached Stanley Cup finals in 1993.

Since Then: First team to go from Stanley Cup finals to missing the playoffs in 24 years. Welcomed Ducks to the neighborhood with open arms, then finished five points behind them.

Villain: Roy Mlakar. Former team president jumped to Penguins after signing off on trades that sent Paul Coffey, Bob Kudelski, Corey Millen and Marty McSorley out of town for next to nothing. His work here, apparently, was complete.

Best Player: Wayne Gretzky. At least until Bruce McNall sells him to stave off the collection agencies.

5. CHARGERS

High Water Mark: Reached AFC title games in 1980 and ’81.

Since Then: Excluding strike years, nine non-winning seasons until 11-5 finish in 1992. Regressed to 8-8 in 1993.

Villain: Alex Spanos. Enjoyed the champagne in ‘92, now wants to have it on a beer budget.

Best Player: Anthony Miller. Now a Denver Bronco.

6. LAKERS

High Water Mark: Team of the ‘80s. Won fifth title of decade in 1988.

Since Then: Lean in the ‘90s. Back-to-back losing seasons and first lottery finish in 1994.

Villain: Magic Johnson. He played, then he quit. He coached, then he quit. Why? He said the players quit on him.

Best Player: Magic Johnson. See tape of any Laker practice in April.

7. ANGELS

High Water Mark: One pitch away from 1986 World Series.

Since Then: Five losing seasons out of seven.

Villain: Whitey Herzog. So he was hamstrung by Jackie Autry’s penny-strangling financial policies. So why didn’t he resign before jettisoning Bryan Harvey and Jim Abbott?

Best Player: (tie) Bryan Harvey, Jim Abbott.

8. RAMS

High Water Mark: Reached Super Bowl in 1980, NFC title game in 1985 and 1989.

Since Then: Second in the NFL in most defeats (45) during the ‘90s. Only New England, with 50, has more.

Villain: Jim Everett. On the bright side, the Rams’ losing streak against New Orleans should end soon.

Best Player: Trent Dilfer. Except the Rams wouldn’t draft him. So Tampa Bay did.

9. CLIPPERS

High Water Mark: Qualified for playoffs in 1992 and 1993.

Since Then: Back to same old tricks, finishing 27-55 and 36 games out in 1994.

Villain: Donald T. Sterling. Won’t sell the team, won’t move the team to Anaheim, won’t approve any trade that might actually benefit the team, won’t be watching the team in the playoffs any time soon.

Best Player: Dominique Wilkins. Now accepting all offers. Not so fast, Donald.

10. PADRES

High Water Mark: Won National League pennant in 1984. Four winning seasons out of five from 1988 to 1992.

Since Then: The Swap Meet.

Villain: Tom Werner. Is in it for the money, not the pennants, which explains why Fred McGriff is in Atlanta, and why Gary Sheffield and Benito Santiago are in Florida, and why Randy Myers is in Chicago, and why Greg Harris is in Colorado . . .

Best Player: Tony Gwynn. Leading the league in hitting again, but it sure is lonely at the top.