THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : No Madness in This March, Merely a Swoon Until June

Orlando loses to the Tenderwolves. J.R. Rider gets bounced twice in a week. Scottie Pippen, still a Bull, is so dispirited, he doesn’t insult General Manager Jerry Krause once.

The competition committee, meeting in Phoenix, spends almost the entire session on a non-agenda item: prima donnas. Krause sputters that today’s young players are “prostitutes” and administrators are their “pimps.” League officials advise coaches to stop ripping players publicly and to instead point out that most are nice young men, etc. Now you can’t pick up a paper without seeing some mentor getting all misty-eyed about his players, even the ones he has fined, suspended or both.

Yes, these are the dog days, that trackless time between the All-Star break and the end of the NCAA tournament when groggy NBA teams stumble toward a conclusion still months away.

Here’s how it’s going:

ATLANTIC DIVISION

1. Orlando Magic--It’s tough when the league’s youngest team is the one everyone gets up to play. After a 35-8 start, Orlando has gone 5-5. People were whispering that the experienced Knicks would prevail in the Eastern finals until . . .

2. New York Knicks--After going from 12-12 to 29-14, they sagged, too, and Coach Pat Riley began breathing fire (see below). Did he go too far, as with his last fiery speech to the Lakers in the ’90 playoff series against Phoenix? As ever, stay tuned.

3. Boston Celtics--It’s not every year the Clippers sweep a “playoff contender” but here’s one.

4. New Jersey Nets--Kenny Anderson apologized for his bad attitude. Derrick Coleman is back. Now for the annual drive for the last playoff berth. It should be easy--at 21-33, they’re right behind the Celtics.

5. Miami Heat--Two deals and a coaching change later, the pieces still don’t fit. The Heat made 6-9 Billy Owens a guard to get him into the lineup. Glen Rice is upset at losing shots to Owens. Kevin Willis doesn’t like people questioning his shot selection. Etc., etc.

6. Philadelphia 76ers--John Lucas gets high marks for restoring organizational morale and enlisting community and corporate support but can’t solve the Shawn Bradley puzzle. He couldn’t find a trade for him and bringing him off the bench hasn’t worked. How about, as TBS’ Chuck Daly suggests, just throwing him in there?

7. Washington Bullets--How can a team with a front line of young stars Chris Webber, Juwan Howard and Calbert Cheaney be 12-39? Oh, they can’t actually put them on the front line because Webber insists he’s a power forward? Awkward Gheorge Muresan or fat Kevin Duckworth plays center and Cheaney goes to guard. Webber’s agent, L. Fallasha Erwin, wrote Sports Illustrated, protesting its inclusion of her client in its head-case story. In other words, still no clue in the Webber camp.

CENTRAL DIVISION

1. Charlotte Hornets--In the absence of a front office that does anything but give raises and destabilize Coach Allan Bristow, they’re effectively run by a players’ clique: Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, Del Curry and Alonzo Mourning. They’ve got a lot to learn but if they play the Knicks in the East semifinals again, their young legs will be a problem for the old guys.

2. Cleveland Cavaliers--There are better teams but none tougher with more heart. It’s still between Mike Fratello and Del Harris for coach of the year.

3. Indiana Pacers--Warming up again. A soft spot in the schedule or a rerun of last season?

4. Chicago Bulls--They hope to avoid a fire-sale deal for Pippen but there are no more Shawn Kemp offers out there. The best they can do now is get lightly singed; the worst, charred to cinders.

5. Atlanta Hawks--General Manager Pete Babcock made smart decisions, dumping aging Dominique Wilkins and Willis, no matter the consequences. Since a 4-9 start, they’ve been over .500.

6. Milwaukee Bucks--Glenn Robinson is coming on and might even stop mewing about how the media are out to get him.

7. Detroit Pistons--Besides Hill, what’s gone right? General Manager Billy McKinney got them pricey blimp Oliver Miller, feuded with the press and may beat Coach Don (the Lame Duck) Chaney out of town.

MIDWEST DIVISION

1. Utah Jazz--Best depth they’ve had but losing Felton Spencer is a playoff killer. James Donaldson against Admiral and Dream? I don’t think so.

2. San Antonio Spurs--Charles Barkley says it’s a three-dog race in the West and the Spurs aren’t one of them. Wrong. As long as Dennis Rodman is lucid and with the program, they’re as good as anyone. They’re 28-9 since their 6-7 start.

3. Houston Rockets--They will need the rest of the season to try to work things out with Clyde Drexler. A bad rebounding team even with Otis Thorpe, they were out-rebounded by 33 in games against the Knicks and Spurs.

4. Denver Nuggets--Over-hyped last fall. They won’t have that problem next season.

5. Dallas Mavericks--When Roy Tarpley left, they were 15-17. Since, they’re 5-13.

6. Minnesota Timberwolves--General Manager Jack McCloskey traded Donyell Marshall halfway through his rookie season for failing to beat out the immortal Doug West but couldn’t find a home for high-maintenance Christian Laettner. Tom Gugliotta can become a free agent in the summer of ’96. McCloskey has also traded a No. 1 pick, lottery protected in 1995 and 1996 but not in 1997, to the Mavericks for Sean Rooks. McCloskey might have been working on the theory that if things haven’t been worked out by ‘97, it will be someone else’s problem.

PACIFIC DIVISION

1. Phoenix Suns--Who would have believed they’d miss Danny Manning’s defense? Only Danny Schayes (20 blocks) and Joe Kleine (13) are taller than 6-feet-8. When you’re runty and you don’t work on defense, you’ve got problems.

2. Seattle SuperSonics--The Lakers and Nuggets have highlighted their problem with post-up players and shot-blockers. Guess what? There are better centers out there than Vlade Divac and Dikembe Mutombo.

3. Lakers--How can you help but love them? They started the season needing stars and now have three budding ones. They lost Cedric Ceballos, went 4-1, lost Eddie Jones on top of that and went 3-0. Of course, it can’t last. Can it?

4. Sacramento Kings--The new tough guys in town have a chance to overhaul the wounded Lakers but the Lakes have a better schedule.

5. Portland Trail Blazers--Bullet Bob Whitsitt turned the mediocre, squabbling SuperSonics into contenders. Trading Drexler means he’s open for business in Portland. See who’s left next year at this time.

6. Golden State Warriors--Spiritless, leaderless, still mailing it in.

7. Clippers--10 wins doesn’t have them dancing in the street but without the iron-willed Bill Fitch, who now has no one who started at the end of last season and only Loy Vaught who was in anyone’s eight-man rotation, they would have been hard-pressed to win 10 all season. A year ago, the vastly more talented Mavericks started 8-47.

RILES JUST VANTS TO BITE THEIR NECKS

Maybe Riley senses the Knicks’ window closing. Maybe he senses the end of his New York stay.

Maybe he grew fangs over the All-Star break. He punched a blackboard after a surprise rout at Detroit. When he didn’t like the clowning around on the bench in a cruise over the Heat, he delivered the following blast:

“I’m just going to make one statement and that’s it. In 15 years of coaching, it’s the most unprofessional attitude of a team that I’ve been around.”

Then he strode off.

Suspicion fell on Derek Harper, one of the most respected Knicks, who had been waving to fans to chant Charlie Ward’s name so Riley would put him in.

Said Harper, “If that’s the reason we’re not playing championship ball, then tough. I’m a professional. I could care less about somebody saying that I’m not because I know that I am.”

Said Charles Smith. “It’s a harsh statement because we don’t see where he’s coming from. . . . The whole thing was shocking.”

Once, Knicks trembled at Riley’s footsteps so if they’re challenging him publicly, imagine what they were saying among themselves. Riley was obliged to make a public statement, saying he hadn’t meant Harper.

Duly inspired, the Knicks beat the Rockets but two nights later lost at home to a Cavalier team missing Brad Daugherty, Mark Price, Gerald Wilkins, Tyrone Hill and Bobby Phills. Afterward, Riley made it a point to criticize the performance of Knick players and coaches.

Said an anonymous Knick to Newsday: “Let’s just say he would probably do it differently if he could do it again.”

FACES AND FIGURES

Long-suffering Net Coach Butch Beard, on his days with the ’74 champion Warriors: “We had one superstar (Rick Barry) and everyone else knew how to play. And we liked each other and believed in each other. When our coaches with the Warriors went scouting, the players would run practices themselves. Do you think these guys could run practices?”

Ask and ye shall receive: With the Bullets 18 points ahead of the Mavericks at home, General Manager John Nash joked, “Let’s see Jimmy (Lynam, his coach) blow this 18-point lead.” The Bullets lost, 102-97. Said Webber afterward, “There’s no way in hell, there’s no way in hell, there’s no way in hell. No way, not against the team that we played. It’s frustrating. I’ve never been a loser like this.” He’s making up for lost time, then. The Bullets are 3-21 with him in the lineup.

In case you wondered what Dan Issel and Gene Littles were up against: Brian Williams on the arrival of tough-guy Coach Bernie Bickerstaff: “We need more cohesion, rather than Stalinistic purges where you operate under a level of fear. We all need to join hands and sing ‘Kumbaya.’ ” . . . Bristow, on the proposed rookie cap: “Those guys need to learn the meaning of carrying the balls again.”