It’s Quitting Time for Joe, His Patsies

T his column has decided it will go out on its own terms . . .

* Evidently, the prospect of no more games at Anaheim Stadium was too much to take for Joe Montana.

* Montana was undefeated in nine starts against the Rams in Anaheim Stadium. Nine-and-oh. To place that in the proper context, before bolting for St. Louis, the 1992-94 Rams needed three seasons and 24 starts to win 10 games in Anaheim Stadium.

* The Rams, however, will argue mitigating circumstances. Who couldn’t go 9-0 against the Rams with Montana at quarterback? Chuck Knox went 10-14 against the field with Jim Everett, T.J. Rubley, Chris Miller, Chris Chandler and Tommy Maddox.

* Never mind the “Was it the system or was it Montana?” debate; on the 49ers, any one of the Rams’ Gang of Five would have been running the scout team.

* Dan Fouts and Dan Marino could throw the football better than Montana. Steve Young was a better athlete. Joe Namath had more charisma. Bart Starr was just as “cerebral,” to use the fashionable NFLese. The sum of Montana was clearly more than the parts--that, and his timing was impeccable. The Montana myth was made, basically, in five games--San Francisco’s first four Super Bowls and the 1982 NFC final against Dallas. They were the five biggest games in the man’s career, and he delivered every time. He knew how to pick his spots.

* But he wasn’t Zeus, contrary to religious beliefs still adhered to in the Bay Area. Montana went 0-3 in playoff games between 1985 and 1989--remember Giants 49, 49ers 3 in the first round, 1986?--and was 4-3 in conference title games, including Kansas City’s loss to Buffalo two years ago.

* The best ever? That’s the present-day consensus, by a mudslide, but whatever happened to Terry Bradshaw? He also went 4-0 in Super Bowls, and did it without Jerry Rice.

* Unfortunately for Bradshaw, he did it in a beer town, instead of Chardonnay country, and he did it in the 1970s, long before the dawning of ESPN, Chris Berman and all-sports, all-bombast, all-the-time talk radio.

* So, Young wasn’t invited to Montana’s San Francisco retirement party after all. So, Montana did watch Super Bowl XXIX after all.

* Meanwhile, back in Kansas City, the Steve Bono (Rhymes With “Oh No”) era begins. Rob Johnson, John Walsh or Eric Zeier--which one do the Chiefs draft Saturday?

* The Rams hold the sixth pick Saturday, need help at wide receiver and offensive tackle, could be in position to draft Miami defensive lineman Warren Sapp and, oh, hell, enough with that already.

* Cal State Fullerton opted for “stability” Tuesday by hiring Bob Hawking as head basketball coach for the next three seasons, although presumably that doesn’t mean ninth place in the Big West. Handed a no-win situation by Brad Holland’s late-September evacuation, Hawking managed a seven-win season, so you can argue he earned his shot. Hawking showed he can coach last season; now, he needs to recruit.

* And at Fullerton, recruiting has never been tougher. Hawking can’t use the old Titan standby, “You may think our gym is the pits, but it’s better than Long Beach State’s.” Post-Pyramid, Fullerton now ranks a distant 10th in Big West basketball facilities. There is no 11th.

* Donnie Daniels, the ex-Titan and current Utah assistant, was an intriguing candidate. If he could sell Keith Van Horn, Brandon Jessie and Keith Miller on the high life in Salt Lake City, maybe he could have tackled Fullerton. Or maybe not. At Long Beach, they need a new arena, they build a Pyramid. At Fullerton, they announce they’re repainting the gym floor.

* Hawking has the right idea about scheduling two or three home games a year at The Pond. UCLA-Fullerton could sell out the place. After last year’s Wooden Classic--and what happened over the next four months--The Pond has become UCLA’s home away from home.

* Same for the Clippers, who have applied for eight home dates at The Pond for 1995-96, up from six this season. Eventually, the plan is for the Clippers to play 39 dates at The Pond, two at the Sports Arena, and Donald Sterling still won’t move the team to Anaheim.

* If nothing else, the World Cup created an environment where the dismissal of the U.S. national soccer coach is now front-page news. Ironically, that will be Bora Milutinovic’s legacy--he made soccer big enough in America to get his ouster on the top of the sports page.

* One more soccer note (trust me, it’s good for you): Bora’s departure means we may finally see the international debut of the United States’ best goalkeeper, Kasey Keller, who has been like wall for the English club team Millwall. For reasons that still mystify, Milutinovic has kept Keller in exile while Tony Meola and Juergen Sommer let in soft goal after soft goal. It was kind of like Doug Rader playing Dave Gallagher in center field ahead of Devon White--with the same inevitable result.

* Is this a great hockey race or what? Tuesday, the Ducks (14-22-4) announced they were processing playoff ticket orders for season-ticket holders. Meanwhile, the Kings announced Grant Fuhr would start in goal tonight against Edmonton.