THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Lakers Victims of Their Own Rebuilt Expectations

They don’t make miracles the way they used to: The glitterati are returning to the Forum, but the good old days haven’t returned yet.

You sensed this last week watching a sellout crowd boo the Lakers loudly in their wipeout loss to the Seattle SuperSonics. No sooner do the fans get back in the building than they’re deserting the home team.

“I’ve gone to see Jack Nicholson and Arnold Schwarzenegger,” Coach Del Harris said, wiping egg off his face, “and they never let me down. And here they were on either side of us and we couldn’t perform tonight.”

Asked a sympathetic reporter: “How about ‘Last Action Hero?’ ”

Yes, fans of Arnie and the Lakers will have to forgive an occasional clinker. That wasn’t Magic, Kareem and Big Game James out there. That was the ‘90s Lakers, no championship team but one rebuilt overnight with no single-digit draft pick.

Until the last two weeks, they had overachieved at every turn, fooling fans into thinking they were more than they are.

The team that went 34-48 last season was on a 55-victory pace in late February without Cedric Ceballos and Eddie Jones.

They were still on a 52-victory pace six weeks later when Ceballos and Jones returned.

No matter what happens, this season has been a success beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, in which they found some players--Ceballos, Jones, Nick Van Exel, Vlade Divac--and a future.

But they have things to work out: Divac is no headhunter and needs a Dale Davis-type tiger alongside. Elden Campbell is more like a bear waking up from a long winter’s nap who hasn’t had his coffee (6 feet 11, 250 pounds, jumps out of the building--and gets a rebound every seven minutes? Does not compute). There are suggestions Ceballos’ incessant self-congratulation grates on the young Lakers.

The other powers that went south in the ‘90s still are chasing their tails. The Boston Celtics fired Dave Gavitt and will scapegoat Chris Ford next. The Pistons had three lottery picks in two years, including Grant Hill, weighted the roster down with such players as Oliver Miller and are about to clean out the front office.

The Lakers have hit the ‘90s running. Be thankful, they’re only about five years ahead of schedule.

GUTTING IT OUT ON THE POOH SIDE OF TOWN

The Clippers also made strides, although none you could see in the standings.

They played hard. They developed some players: Loy Vaught, Pooh Richardson, Malik Sealy.

The jury is still out on Lamond Murray. Coach Bill Fitch was nice enough to rate him among the NBA’s five best rookies, but that’s fast company with Hill, Jones, Glenn Robinson, Jason Kidd and Juwan Howard, not to mention Brian Grant, Eric Montross and Khalid Reeves.

Murray’s second half of the season (14 points a game, 39% from the field) isn’t any better than his first (14, 40%), and he’s still too fond of standing offshore and lobbing in three-pointers. The question is not so much can he play, but will he?

The current rumor making the rounds is that Donald T. Sterling wants to draft Ed O’Bannon. The Clippers could even get an additional player by trading down.

Not to take anything away from O’Bannon, but there are better players in this draft. Joe Smith has already declared. Rasheed Wallace and Jerry Stackhouse are deciding, and there’s even speculation about Tim Duncan.

Of course, The Donald has assured me on numerous occasions he doesn’t interfere, so maybe it’s a bad rap or a new day.

Of the 1994-95 Clippers, one thing can be said: They had to start somewhere and they did.

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO’S COMING BACK

News of Magic Johnson’s latest comeback was met with a deafening silence. No one from the NBA or USA Basketball said anything except the committee will decide, it has to pick a coach first, etc.

Nor was great enthusiasm expressed elsewhere. Let’s face it, the world likes its retirees to stay retired. For the Lakers, the good news was that Johnson wasn’t announcing another comeback to them; if he had, Jerry West might have killed him with his bare hands.

Call me a skeptic, but I think it’ll be decided by David Stern, commissioner of the NBA, and Bob Ebersol, commissioner of NBC Sports.

They’ll do a bureaucratic tango, checking around to see how it plays in Peoria, after which it will occur to everyone this is a RATINGS BONANZA!

Is there someone out there dying to see John Stockton? Think if Magic could talk Larry Bird into coming back! (No chance.) Think if he could talk his good buddy, Michael Jordan, into playing! (Less chance.)

They’ll then ask each other if Johnson can still play. That’s easy. Yes.

He was the game’s best point guard when he left three seasons ago. Harris saw him against the Laker rookies last summer and said he still looked like one of the best five players in the world.

Then they’ll remember the World Championships in Toronto when the NBA’s young guns turned a photo opportunity into such a public relations disaster, league officials have passed the word never to look for Derrick Coleman or Larry Johnson on another international team.

They’ll ask, “Could Magic Johnson have prevented this?” The answer is, if anyone can do it without a tranquilizer gun, he can.

Then they’ll put him on the team. Welcome back, Earvin, how many does this make?

DOPING IT OUT WITH THE DOPE

How to forecast the next NBA champion:

Write each team’s name on a card. Put the cards in a hat. Draw one.

If your friends bug you, let them choose one team from each conference, take the rest of the field and get set to call them as soon as their first favorite topples.

Forget commonly cited phrases like the team nobody wants to meet in the playoffs . This is stuff sportscasters use to spice up the nightly highlights and is applied to most No. 5-8 seeds at one time or another.

Two weeks ago, the Lakers were everyone’s TNWMP, until the San Antonio Spurs came to town, ran over them like a choo-choo and showed everyone what a real TNWMP looks like.

Last week, it was even applied to the Celtics. Hey, everyone has to play someone ; how could you do better than a 35-victory team?

Forget figuring out the hottest team in the stretch. Sports Illustrated just compiled a list, concluding, “It helps to finish fast.”

Actually, it showed it doesn’t matter. Of the last seven champions, only two had the best record in the stretch. Three champions (’88 Lakers, ’90 Detroit Pistons, ’94 Houston Rockets) weren’t even in the top five.

Some keys to each team’s hopes:

LAKERS--Van Exel. When he was hot, they were giant-killers, but since Feb. 20, when he scored 40 in a victory at Seattle, he has averaged 12 points and shot 26% on three-pointers. Before, he averaged 19 and shot 40% on threes.

SUPERSONICS--Shawn Kemp. The human personal foul.

SPURS--Dennis Rodman. He makes the aging Spurs physical all by himself but has been a minor factor since returning.

PHOENIX SUNS--Kevin Johnson. When he’s on, the Suns have two unstoppable players, but he sat out 35 games and was all over the lot. Coach Paul Westphal brought him off the bench most of April. Said a miffed KJ: “I still have to go out and play hard, whether I get along with the coach or not.”

UTAH JAZZ--Everyone but Karl Malone, Stockton and Jeff Hornacek. You know the big three will be OK.

ROCKETS--Hakeem Olajuwon. If he averages 30 points, 20 rebounds and 10 blocks, he might get them over the hump again.

PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS--Rod Strickland. It’s a little late, but the leader of the anti-P.J. Carlesimo clique has to get with the program.

DENVER NUGGETS--Pick anyone. That’s their problem.

ORLANDO MAGIC--Shaquille O’Neal. Missed 50 of 80 free throws in one stretch in April. The Celtics are all set to play Hack-a-Shaq, but that makes him mad and it’s not nice to fool with Mother Nature or a force of nature.

NEW YORK KNICKS--John Starks. Will it be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Starks?

INDIANA PACERS--Reggie Miller, who shot 34% in a recent eight-game streak, although he was absolutely not in a slump. “That word is not on my vocabulary,” Miller said. “I’ll never be in a slump. Reggie Miller in a slump? Never. You know I turn into a different person once the playoffs come.” He’d better.

CHICAGO BULLS--Guess who. They had rebound problems until a new guy made up the difference--Jordan averaged 8.4 for the last three weeks.

CHARLOTTE HORNETS--Larry Johnson. If he’s as good as he says he is, they’ll be competitive.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS--Name someone who isn’t hurt.

ATLANTA HAWKS--Lenny Wilkens. They need a mirror job.

CELTICS--The Leprechaun. He’d better come ready this year.

FACES AND FIGURES

Next crisis: Pat Riley, sizzling at his starters’ performance in a wipeout at Chicago, benched them for the fourth quarter, then was ripped by Charles Oakley, whom he used to call one of his chief allies. “That’s Riley,” Oakley said. “He’s got answers for everything. I guess he’ll have an answer for this.” . . . And while he’s on the subject, Oakley doesn’t like Riley’s new guard rotation, either. “I hate the three-guard lineup,” Oakley said. “He (Riley) likes that lineup. I don’t, but he’s the coach. I don’t know. I don’t know what the hell’s going on.” . . . Riley can’t be crazy about the way Oakley’s playing, either. Oakley averaged 11 rebounds before he had surgery on his toe, seven since returning. . . . Alonzo Mourning, on the Hornets’ second-place finish: “We’re not concerned about catching Indiana. That’s just something the media has concocted.” . . . Never mind: Denver’s LaPhonso Ellis, who insisted for months he wouldn’t rush back after knee surgery, did. . . . Rocket guard Vern Maxwell, on the death of the Houston Post: “It’s just one less paper writing bad things about me.”