A ‘90s Babe Could Be Media Grand Slam

For the recent Babe Ruth Conference at Hofstra University in New York, sports essayist Oona Short was asked to present a paper on how the media would treat Ruth today.

She speculated that Ruth would simply step out of an Iowa cornfield, suited up and ready to play.

“Who then wouldn’t like to be the fly on the wall, when someone says: ‘George Steinbrenner, meet Babe Ruth,’ ” she said.

First would come some huge marketing deals, she speculated, including a two-way Slim Fast deal: Ruth and Tommy Lasorda.

At first, Ruth hits lots of home runs, then his comeback quickly begins to fall apart.

“He doesn’t like playing at night, the lights bother him, he’s tearing up his legs on Astroturf--and then heavy drinking comes to light,” she said.

Tabloid headline: ‘Babe to Enter Betty Ford Clinic? You Decide.’

“Then he calls his shot on a home run, and a TV crew greets him at home plate. A guy with a mike says, ‘Babe, did you call that shot or not? Let’s clear this up. We don’t want to still be talking about this 60 years from now.’ ”

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Dead right: Ventura columnist Woody Woodburn, musing about UCLA’s Ed O’Bannon playing basketball with a knee ligament taken from a cadaver:

“The movie title has it that ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but Dr. (Michael Shapiro, O’Bannon’s surgeon) was convinced ‘Dead Men Can Jump.’ ”

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Trivia time: Who was the tallest of boxing’s heavyweight champions?

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Spell check: The Orioles’ Harold Baines reached second base in Tuesday’s Baltimore-Boston game, where umpire Jim Joyce asked him, “How do you spell your name?”

Baines asked, “Why?”

Joyce said, “The E is missing from your jersey.”

Sure enough, the spelling of Baines’ name on his back was B-A-I-N-S. He changed shirts between innings, putting on one with the right spelling.

Would a replacement ump have made that call?

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Bye, bye, Jacques: The Montreal Canadiens missed the playoffs for the first time since 1970 and Coach Jacques Demers is grumbling over rumors that he will be fired.

“You’re not allowed a rebuilding year around here,” says Demers, whose team was eliminated in the first round of last year’s playoffs. This year, Les Habs went 18-23-7.

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Wide of the mark: Newsday’s Marty Noble, on someone’s comment that Met Manager Dallas Green has exceptional patience:

“Talking about Dallas Green’s patience is like talking about Dolly Parton’s elbows.

“It’s not what he’s known for. (He’s) built a reputation on intolerance, a demanding nature and an ability to shatter crystal at 20 paces.”

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Fired by mail: When you get fired, it usually comes up in a conversation, right?

Not at Southern California College in Costa Mesa. There, it’s done by mail.

SCC baseball Coach Charlie Phillips opened his mail the other day and found a memo from school President Wayne Kraiss, advising, “You should not anticipate receiving another contract.”

Said Phillips, “I would have appreciated a face-to-face meeting.”

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Trivia answer: Jess Willard, who reigned from 1915 until 1919, at 6-feet-6 1/4.

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Quotebook: Pittsburgh columnist Gene Collier, on Atlanta Olympics ticket prices: “I think the wife and I will decide not to take the kids to the Olympics but instead put them through college. The costs appear similar.”