Unlikely Series Caps Odd Season

S tu Grimson plays for the Stanley Cup--and, yes, this does mean there’s hope for everybody . . .

* From the same calendar year that brought you Houston and Orlando in the NBA championship series comes New Jersey and Detroit in the Stanley Cup finals, and the wiseacres are having a field day: “The Urban Blight Series.” “The Loser Has To Stay In Town Series.” “The Sofa On The Side of the Freeway Series.” Any other nominations? Why, of course, there’s always room for more. “The Dead Octopi Series.” Detroit throws them, New Jersey smells like them.

* Poor Devils. They have to psych up for this series while not knowing where they’ll be playing their home games next season. It could be New Jersey. It could be Nashville. Ask a Devil and he’ll suggest, “Could I have a third choice?”

* Detroit gets a bum rap out of all this. If you know where to look, the city has good restaurants, good music and some very well-heeled neighborhoods in the suburbs. As for New Jersey, all I can say is Bruce Springsteen was born there and spent most of his career writing songs about getting the hell out of there.

* Detroit is so concerned about its image that Mayor Dennis Archer met with editors of both of the city’s major newspapers to request they print the name of anyone arrested for mayhem during the finals. Does this include Grimson and Keith Primeau?

* Houston won the NBA title, Cal State Fullerton won the College World Series, Disney bought the Angels, but I still say the sports story of the year is Grimson’s goal against the Blackhawks in the conference finals.

* If talent means anything--and after the NBA finals, we can take nothing for granted--Detroit should win in six games. The Red Wings have the marquee names cornered--Yzerman, Coffey, Fedorov, Ciccarelli, Primeau, Vernon. Meanwhile, back at home, you can play this game with your friends: Besides Martin Brodeur, name four New Jersey Devils.

* Even spot them Scott Stevens if you want.

* The Ducks are testimony to the depth of the Red Wings’ talent pool. The argument can be made that the Ducks’ two best all-around players are former Red Wings--Bobby Dollas on defense, Mike Sillinger up front. And Jason York, acquired in the Grimson trade, would probably rate among the top 10, 12 Ducks as well.

* Jack Ferreira knows the golden rule of NHL general managership, which reads: “ ‘Tis always better to deal with Detroit than it ‘tis with Ottawa.” Nick Beverley, on the other hand, memorized it a little too late.

* In a recent radio interview, Kings color commentator Jim Fox said he thought a New Jersey Stanley Cup would be bad for the NHL, because the Devils play boring, defensive hockey. And all this time I thought Kings hockey was bad for the NHL.

* Boring or not, the style coached by Jacques Lemaire and assistant Larry Robinson wins games. Robinson as new Kings coach makes a good deal of sense, except for one thing: Would Robinson agree to work for minimum wage?

* Has any NHL head coach ever been paid in food stamps?

* The Kings’ current ownership debacle almost makes one pine for the good old days of Bruce McNall defrauding French banks and swindling precious coins out of Turkey.

* The garage sale organized by McNall’s ex-wife, Jane Cody, was a public relations stroke of brilliance, pulling all the right heartstrings, but according to the terms of their divorce settlement, isn’t Cody entitled to half of McNall’s annual $450,000 Kings salary?

* How many married men, upon reading the details of Cody’s garage sale, immediately said to themselves, “Well, that cinches it, I’m never getting divorced?”

* The Kings’ financial and legal quagmire recently moved one observer to call the franchise “radioactive.” I thought that was the nickname for Denver’s new hockey team.

* The Denver/Colorado/Rocky Mountain Extreme? Is this a joke, or just America’s revenge for the Toronto Raptors?

* Because the citizens of Newark and East Rutherford are not swooning over the possible departure of the Devils, the knee-jerks are likening the New Jersey hockey situation to the Anaheim football situation--the fans don’t care, apathy rules, blah, blah, blah. The comparison is utterly pointless. If the Rams ever made it to the finals of their league playoffs, Anaheim Stadium would have been turning away fans at the door.

* If the Freedom Bowl goes the way of the Rams and the Pigskin Classic, Anaheim Stadium will be a very nice home field for Mater Dei High School this fall.

* The OCSA is thinking of renaming what “The Big Orange Classic”? The Freedom Bowl? Or the College World Series?

* First the Bulls and now the Rockets have demonstrated that all it takes to repeat in the NBA are two great players--or one great player and one very good player. Michael Jordan-Scottie Pippen. Hakeem Olajuwon-Clyde Drexler. Pull any three guys off the street--three Clippers, or three replacement baseball players--and you can play a lot of basketball in May and June.

* Think about it: Robert Horry, two-time NBA champion.

* Or this: Mario Elie has twice as many NBA championship rings as Jerry West.

* The trailer for the new Tom Hanks movie, “Apollo 13,” features a line that would be perfect for the next Shaquille O’Neal commercial. “Houston, we have a problem.”