Anaheim Conference Discovers the Missing Link: Fathers

This just in: A three-day statewide conference on fathers and the family yielded the startling conclusion Friday that men aren’t apostles of evil, after all.

“Men aren’t bad. Men aren’t the devil,” said the state’s director of the Department of Social Services, Eloise Anderson, who organized the first-ever gathering of about 400 people, mostly mental health professionals. “We really need to challenge these negative stereotypes that are hurting men and families.”

Anderson’s urgent pleas were made only half-jokingly and served as part of the message the participants will carry back to their communities. Following Gov. Pete Wilson’s “Father Summit” in June, this week’s conference offered 35 workshops and six panels of experts discussing how fathers can strengthen emotional ties with their children.

At stake, said speakers and participants alike, is the country’s future. Children without fathers have a much higher rate of juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy and drug addiction and are more likely to drop out of high school.

“Our nation will crumble and fall apart from the center if something isn’t done,” Anderson said. “What makes a strong nation? What makes a strong people? A strong family. Our children need their fathers.”

A key to reversing the dangerous trend of absent fathers, said conference experts, is to teach new views of what it means to be a man. Men have to be more than just a paycheck to the family, they say. Just as women have expanded their roles, men also must take on new characteristics and become more nurturing, they add.

“There’s a missing link in many families and it’s the father,” said Joe Snapp, 50, a substance abuse counselor from Siskiyou County. “Like men of my generation, I was taught that you’re not supposed to show love, you’re not supposed to cry or that kind of thing. But now it needs to change.”

Snapp, like many participants, found the conference beneficial on a personal as well as professional level. Snapp said he thinks the three days will help him improve his relationship with his three children, who are 33, 31 and 25.

“I would like us to develop a stronger bond,” he said. “I want there to be a greater love between us.”

The conference heartened many men who feel they have been unfairly stereotyped in the mass media as insensitive deadbeats or as warmongering chauvinists.

“This has been marvelous,” said Joseph Loeb, 42, a theology student from Los Angeles. “For too long it’s been fashionable to beat up on men. We have to move past that. What was that saying, ‘A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bike.’ ”

Women, at least a third of those attending the conference, agreed with Loeb.

“I love it,” said Mardra J. Paredes , 40, a Los Angeles psychologist. “It brings a balance to the family. We have been focused on mothers for too long. It’s about time.”

“A lot of us are really confused about what it means to be a good dad,” said Nathan O’Hara, a family program administrator for Santa Barbara County. “I’m trying to learn new ways to help keep men connected to their families.”