A Short Story (or Is It a Shorts Story?) With a Transparent Plot

Andre Agassi, who has been quizzed on seemingly every detail about his relationship with Brooke Shields, found himself discussing a new topic at Wimbledon: his shorts.

“I know this is a personal question,” a female journalist asked after an Agassi victory, “but are you aware that your shorts are slightly transparent?”

“Am I aware of that?” Agassi deadpanned.

“Yeah?” she replied.

“No,” Agassi said, “but apparently you are.”

It took a while for the laughter to die down, but another journalist--this time a man--decided to press on.

“Would you worry if they were?” he said.

“Apparently they are,” Agassi said. “And I don’t seem too concerned.”

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Add Agassi: Those who can’t get enough of Agassi trivia might be interested to know that Shields and the wife of Agassi’s coach, Kim Gilbert, relaxed after his last match with a snack of tea and scones in the players’ cafeteria.

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Trivia time: Who is the only NHL player to win an Olympic gold medal, an NCAA championship and play on a Stanley Cup winner?

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Pity poor Bobby: An Indianapolis disc jockey is not getting much of a response in his campaign to raise $30,000 to pay the fine imposed on Indiana basketball Coach Bob Knight.

The day after the university announced the NCAA had fined Knight for his expletive-laced harangue at a postgame news conference, Adam Smasher urged WNAP-FM listeners to each send a dollar to help pay the fine. Smasher hoped to raise the money in 30 days.

At the halfway point, the total was $167.

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Censorship in the air: Airspace over the All-Star game next Tuesday in Arlington, Tex., will be a no-fly zone for planes carrying advertising banners--but not because it might disturb the ballplayers. The concern is that some of the banners would be for adult entertainment.

“The adult business banners are not appropriate at a family venue such as a baseball game,” Texas Rep. Joe Barton said.

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Murphy’s Place: When relief pitcher Rob Murphy signed with the Florida Marlins, it was his eighth major league team. His reaction: “I’ll have a nice sports bar full of jerseys with ‘Murphy’ on the back.”

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Music critic: From Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press on Deion Sanders’ rap CD: “The music world doesn’t need it, any more than the sports world needs to see Elton John return a kickoff.”

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Kiner’s Corner: Who else but Ralph Kiner could describe a home run by Andujar Cedeno in this manner?:

“Andujar Cedeno to lead it off. He swings. And he is hit by a pitch. And it is hit over the wall and out of here for a home run.”

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Trivia answer: Neal Broten, who was on the 1979 NCAA championship team at Minnesota, the 1980 Olympic champion U.S. hockey team, and this year’s Stanley Cup champion New Jersey Devils.

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Quotebook: Lee Trevino, to the Dallas Cowboys’ Emmitt Smith, after the All-Pro running back smacked one long and straight on the first hole of a pro-am: “Don’t pick up your tee so fast. Stand there and admire it.”