He Would Have Liked USFL’s Generals

John Teerlinck, defensive line coach of the Detroit Lions, equates football with war: “We’re asking them [players] to storm the beachhead. Hit the beach with fixed bayonets, over the top. We’re the first wave coming.

“We always say you can’t ease into a knife fight, you’ve got to come out swinging because it can be over that quick. It’s a gung-ho Marine-type thing: Let’s go. You’re in a trench and you’ve got to fight yourself out of that pit.”

It would seem that Teerlinck has seen the movie “Patton” too many times.

*

Trivia time: What was unusual about USC’s Mike Garrett being chosen for the 1965 Playboy magazine preseason All-American football team?

*

Reality check: In an article before the college football season, Samuel Chi of the San Francisco Examiner wrote that California football “coaches and players are beaming with quiet confidence.”

After losing opening games to San Diego State and Fresno State--with more formidable opponents ahead--it would seem that Cal’s coaches and players should have been frowning with quiet pessimism.

*

Fragile fraternity II: Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer has some additions to his list of anti-Cal Ripkens. A sampling:

“Vince Coleman missed an entire postseason when he was swallowed up by the automatic tarp in St. Louis.

“Reds pitcher Steve Foster needed surgery after blowing out his shoulder knocking down milk bottles on ‘The Tonight Show.’

“Jeff Juden was unable to pitch because of an infected tattoo.”

*

Add Ripken: From David Letterman: “Earlier tonight, Cal Ripken Jr. played in his 2,131st consecutive game, breaking Lou Gehrig’s 56-year-old record. To put that achievement into perspective, when Ripken started the streak, Elizabeth Taylor had only been married six times.”

*

Low profile: Chris Havlicek, son of John Havlicek, former standout player for the Boston Celtics, has a chance to make the 1996 Olympic team--but not in basketball.

His sport is team handball, which, according to Bonnie DeSimone of the Cleveland Plain Dealer is “a sport with a slogan, displayed on T-shirts at the U.S. Olympic Festival, of ‘The Greatest Game You’ve Never Seen.’ ”

*

Viewpoint: John Robinson, USC football coach, responding to criticism of the Coliseum: “I can’t imagine a better college football stadium than the Coliseum. And it has more tradition than any stadium in the history of mankind. You can’t even think of a No. 2.”

Well, there’s the original Colosseum in Rome.

*

Looking back: On this day in 1959, UCLA and Purdue played to a scoreless tie at the Coliseum. The Bruins haven’t had a 0-0 game since.

*

Trivia answer: Garrett, who won the Heisman Trophy in ’65 as a tailback, was named to the All-American defensive team. He was a starter at cornerback.

*

Quotebook: Jim Gantner, part-time coach of the Milwaukee Brewers: “I hung around the house last winter, but I did take a hunting trip to one of those Canadian proverbs.”