To Whom It May Concern: I’m Sorry, Dennis Rodman

Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune suggests that Dennis Rodman should have form letters prepared for any future indiscretions:

“The [Dennis] Rodman apology, unlike wedding dresses and coffins, should not have limited use, but should, like duct tape and the twist tie, be adaptable.

“None among us, after all, thinks this will be the last time Rodman feels the need to send his regrets. This is a creature of great variety, capable of offending complete strangers just by sharing an elevator.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the record for most free throws made in an NCAA championship game?

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Triple-A staff: Pittsburgh Pirate Manager Jim Leyland is dissatisfied with his pitching staff:

“What’s gone on here the last two years is we’ve been in a position to reward mediocrity. We’ve put people out there if they could stand on the mound straight.”

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Football mentality: Gene Collier in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “With the passing of Heisman Trophy winner and 1950s [Pittsburgh] Pirate Vic Janowicz, former teammate Joe Garagiola recalled Janowicz’s first tag as a Pirate catcher in spring training.”

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Sad Garagiola: “I thought it was third and two. That was the damndest collision I’ve ever seen. He didn’t wait for the runner to come to him. He ran down the line and knocked him over.”

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The diplomat: Bruce Seldon, the World Boxing Assn. heavyweight champion, was recently interviewed by a Japanese television crew. First question: “What do you have to say to the people of Japan?” Answer: “I love Chinese food.”

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Low expectations: Alan Truex in the Houston Chronicle: “The [Colorado] Rockies’ press guide bills the team as ‘Wild Card Champions.’ Wonder if the players will be getting Wild Card rings?”

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Still going: Vince Reel, the “new” sprint and hurdle coach for Claremont Mudd-Scripps College, will be 82 when the season ends. Reel, who has coached 47 Olympians, is truly the dean of track coaches.

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Street stress: Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves suffered an apparent cartilage tear in his knee while walking on a sidewalk, window-shopping with his wife in Miami.

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Groovy group: The Wall Street Journal reports that stock car legend Richard Petty, running for North Carolina Secretary of State, sometimes refers to the Founding Fathers as “George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and all those cats.”

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Ouch! From David Letterman: “At a New York Yankees’ game earlier today, the umpire had to go out to the mound to break up an AA meeting.”

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Trivia answer: Gail Goodrich of UCLA, with 18 in 20 attempts, against Michigan in 1965.

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Quotebook: Hyperbolic promoter Don King on Mike Tyson: “God blessed this man with a shield of righteousness and a sword of truth second to none. When Mike casts his bread upon the water, he doesn’t get back soggy bread.”