Oscar leftovers:Actress June Lockhart phoned to say...

Oscar leftovers:

Actress June Lockhart phoned to say that she knows the Scottish bagpiper who greeted best director winner Mel Gibson outside Morton’s restaurant the other night.

“He’s Thomas Allan and he happens to be the butcher at my market in Santa Monica here--The Farms market,” she said.

Sure enough, we contacted Allan, who confirmed that he was hired by actress Jodie Foster, a friend of Gibson.

“It was a lot of fun,” Allan said. “At one point I heard Mel tell someone, ‘Jodie Foster hired this guy to play the bagpipes everywhere I go tonight. I think I’ll kill him.’ ”

Actually, Allan said, the actor tipped him $50.

Allan can spend the money on some molasses, which he uses to treat his elk-hide bag. “Molasses keeps the bag sweet-smelling and it also keeps it air-tight,” he said.

In lieu of molasses, may we suggest the lemon mustard sauce at Morton’s?

WAIT ‘TIL NEXT YEAR: The entertainment reporter was taking his wife to the Academy Awards so he decided to go all-out and hire a limo for the big night. After the show was over, he instructed the driver to head over to Chasen’s in Beverly Hills, where Paramount was celebrating the “Braveheart” Oscars. The ride was a long one--too long, the reporter realized. It was then he discovered that the limo was rambling through Woodland Hills, where no studio parties were in evidence. The reporter instructed the driver to take him and his wife home. A little violin music, please.

REALITY CHECK: We’ve always hesitated to reveal our personal political preferences. But, heck, we admit it--we’re a Bob Dornan man. Alas, the old redhead’s 1% showing in California’s Republican presidential primary was, well, discouraging. That’s why we’re making a personal appeal. Bob, it’s time to drop out of the White House race and throw your support to a candidate who’s more likely to win. Like comic Pat Paulsen, for instance.

DOG GONE: Michael Hirsh, who found today’s misspelled no pooches sign at a market in Calabasas, wonders: “Can I still bring my dog to the market if he promises not to bark?

CENTS AND SENSIBILITY: One business that isn’t afraid to poke fun at itself is the 99 Cents Only store chain, whose promotions have included a bridal registry. This is the same company whose trucks say, “Driver Carries 99 Cents Only.”

One of the chain’s newest jokes is a recurring newspaper ad in which it seeks a location in Beverly Hills.

“Believe it or not, we have gotten offers from people who have properties on Canon, on Beverly Drive, on Wilshire Boulevard,” said Vice President Tony Ciulla. “Of course, the property on Rodeo is so expensive. Can you imagine what Gucci and Ferragamo and the rest of those people would think? I think they’d pay us to leave if we did get a property there.”

FORGET THE MAINE: Daniel Fink saw a pickup truck with a license that said, XLAGAL--a Maine plate. It also displayed a bumper sticker that proclaimed, “Maine: A Way of Life.” Oddly enough, Fink saw XLAGAL on Pico Boulevard in West L.A. Maybe she was looking for Chasen’s.

miscelLAny

Could Bob Dole be fated to take California in the November election? After all, the title of a collection of essays by Richard Meltzer is, “L.A. Is the Capital of Kansas.”