The Solution Is Elementary, My Dear Albert

Mrs. Peg Ames’ second-grade class at Roxbury Elementary School in Solon, Ohio, wrote the Cleveland Plain Dealer with some suggestions to improve the disposition of behavior-challenged outfielder Albert Belle.

Here are a few of their ideas:

--Take a whirlpool.

--Be sweeter, eat some chocolate.

--Hit the ball, not a person.

--Drive around in our teacher’s convertible.

--Invite us to your house; we will make you laugh.

Trivia time: How many Kentucky Derby favorites finished last?

Up on the woof: Boxer James Toney’s five dogs--Casey, Asia, April, Mercedes and Paris--all have new homes. They were given away last week by the owner of an Ann Arbor, Mich., kennel where Toney left them . . . in October.

The kennel owner also is suing Toney for $10,000 in unpaid kennel fees, according to the Ann Arbor News.

Candles: Happy 36th birthday to Steve Cauthen, who in 1978 became the last jockey to win the Triple Crown, aboard Affirmed.

This just in. . . : Erik Bennett, the winning pitcher in the Minnesota Twins’ 24-11 decision over the Detroit Tigers last week, didn’t know he got the victory until he watched SportsCenter in his hotel room.

Try reading books: Red Sox outfielder Alex Cole has switched from goggle-like glasses to wire-rim spectacles.

Said Cole: “I figured Boston has more colleges than any city in the country, so it must have more smart people. So I wanted to look more intelligent.”

No (Whitey) Ford? Sure sign it’s an election year: As the Mariners held “Ken Griffey for President Night,” [Joe] Carter knocked in [Otis] Nixon with the first run.

‘Oh, say can you. . . :’ Joe Kleine of the Phoenix Suns, who fainted during “The Star-Spangled Banner” before a game with the Lakers, but checked out fine after an extensive examination, didn’t set his playoff goals all that high.

Said Kleine: “I’m training just to get through the anthem.”

It’s a strange game: In the Texas Rangers’ 16-run eighth inning against the Orioles two weeks ago, Baltimore reliever Jesse Orosco came on with the bases loaded. He left after giving up six hits, eight runs, two walks and a sacrifice fly--and the same three runners on base again.

The Doc is out? It doesn’t sound as if George Vecsey of the New York Times expects Dwight Gooden to make it with the Yankees: “He is living on borrowed time already, what with the fast cars and the guns and the beer and the illegal substances in his recent past.”

Trivia answer: Five: Alard Scheck (1901), Abe Frank (1902), Proceeds (1904), Total Departure (1983) (part of a three-horse entry), and Demons Begone (1987).

And finally: Miami wide receiver Randall Hill on new Dolphin Coach Jimmy Johnson: “If you don’t get the job done, you’ll see people disappear around here like Houdini or David Copperfield.”