Romeo of the offramps:Exiting the San Diego...

Romeo of the offramps:

Exiting the San Diego Freeway in Burbank, Joyce Thompson saw a street person holding a sign and reached into her purse to give him some money. “Then,” she adds, “I happened to see the T-shirt he was wearing. Across his chest it proudly proclaimed, ‘Sexually Active.’ I decided if that’s how he’s spending his time when he doesn’t even have a job to support himself, I wouldn’t give him money after all.”

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NOSTRADAMUS OF THE GREETING CARD INDUSTRY: The 12-year-old’s dramatic catch of a fly ball in Yankee Stadium in the championship series was foretold in a local greeting card series (see illustration). It’s titled, “Our Town, L.A.,” depicting various scenes in the City of Angels. Hey, we can at least dream about the Dodgers in the World Series, can’t we?

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OUR ADVICE--INVEST IN A COPY EDITOR: “I thought there were no more ‘free lunches,’ ” writes Roger Sande of Marina del Rey, who sent along a flier he received from Merrill Lynch. Tell it to Orange County, which is alleging in a suit that the brokerage firm’s advice led to the county’s bankruptcy.

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COMING OUT OF A SHELL: Lobster-calling, a superstitious rite of fishermen that kicks off the crustacean-hunting season, has been opened to civilians at the Redondo Beach Lobster Festival. Local school kids will compete in the noisy sport tonight at 6 p.m. at Seaside Lagoon. The winner will be awarded a Macintosh computer for his or her school.

The kids will be graded on the basis of originality, creativity and volume. And if a lobster should actually scuttle out of the lagoon in response to the call, spokesman Jim Hall will throw in a free, well, lobster dinner.

And how do you call a lobster?

“I don’t know,” said Hall. “I do know you have to shout loud because they don’t have ears.”

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WILL THE REPUBLICANS DEMAND EQUAL SLURPING TIME? The three-day lobster festival (admission is $6 per day) will stage a chowder contest on Sunday and one of the judges will be First Brother Roger Clinton.

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CORRECTION OF THE WEEK: Speaking of lobsters, a San Diego newspaper ran this item the other day: “Because of a typographical error, a story yesterday on the opening of lobster season incorrectly identified one of the chief predators of the California spiny lobster as ‘giant sea balls.’ In fact, the predator is the giant sea bass.”

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THANKS BUT NO THANKS: Obviously terrified by the popularity of the minor league Long Beach Ice Dogs hockey team, the L.A. Kings have reacted with an aggressive outdoor ad campaign. The Kings might rethink one poster, though. It’s on the back of MTA buses and, to show how loud Kings fans are, it says: “Put your ear here.” There’s an arrow on the poster, which unfortunately points to the bus’ exhaust system.

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BUT CAN THEY STILL BILL YOU? One of the speakers at the Whole Life Expo Nov. 1-3 at the LAX Airport Hilton will be Dr. Joel Wallach, who is described as being “renowned for his best-selling videotape, ‘Dead Doctors Don’t Lie.’ ”

miscel LA ny:

Butterfield and Butterfield is holding a Nov. 3 auction in L.A. of belongings of Elvis Presley--there are still some left?--including a stage belt “expected to sell for $8,000 to $9,000.” The size of the belt was not revealed.