Some Practices You Just Don’t Want to Rub Off

Tampa Bay Lightning defenseman Jay Wells doesn’t wear a helmet in practice, the only player on his team to go bare-headed.

He insists he has a logical reason for going without the protective gear.

“In practice, you’re not banging and pounding like a real game,” he said. “Besides, I don’t have a heck of a lot of hair on my head as it is. When I wear one, it rubs and wears on what little I do have.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for the longest punt?

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Sensible meal: Wayne Gretzky will be the first person to appear on the Campbell’s soup label. Jay Leno observed, “That makes sense, to put a hockey player on a can of soup. It’s probably the only thing they can eat without teeth.”

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Last laugh: A sign in the stands before San Francisco 49er quarterback Elvis Grbac’s first NFL start, a 44-10 victory at St. Louis last season:

“What’s the difference between Elvis Grbac and Elvis Presley? One is fat, slow and hasn’t been seen for years, and the other is Elvis Presley.”

It’s presumed that there were no such signs in the stands last Sunday in St. Louis, where Grbac, replacing injured Steve Young, led the 49ers to a 28-11 victory over the Rams. In fact, Grbac is 5-2 as a starter.

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Battered Cowboy: Mark Kram in the Philadelphia Daily News: “Emmitt Smith is so banged up these days that if he decided to leave his body to science, science would give it back.”

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Star on the stripe: Shaquille O’Neal’s replacement in Orlando, Felton Spencer, missed all four shots he took from the field in Friday night’s exhibition game.

However, he received a standing ovation from what was left of a crowd of 17,248 after making a pair of free throws for his first points with 3:31 to go. Overall, he grabbed 10 rebounds and made all four of his free throws.

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Red October: As has been recent tradition when the St. Louis Cardinals make it to the playoffs, most of the 56,000 fans at St. Louis’ Busch Stadium wore red to support their team for Game 3 of the National League championship series.

“Just showing that Cardinals spirit,” Nathan Rueckert, 15, said. From his seat behind right field, Rueckert wore a red and white striped Cat in the Hat hat, red face paint, red knee socks with red shorts, and an Ozzie Smith jersey.

“I just try to find everything red. I guess it’s a St. Louis thing,” he said.

Apparently. Just be glad Baltimore fans aren’t cramming Camden Yards in burnt orange and black. Oh, the humanity.

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Trivia answer: Steve O’Neal of the New York Jets, 98 yards against Denver on Sept. 21, 1969.

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And finally: A deadbeat dad’s season tickets to Kansas City Chief games will be sold at a sheriff’s auction Tuesday to help make up the $10,000 he owes for four years of child support.

The two tickets for three of the remaining home games and the right to purchase more in future NFL seasons will be sold to the highest bidder.