DOESN’T ANYONE WANT TO TACKLE ME? PLEASE?

Kevin Greene needed a few plays off after running 66 yards with a fumble. He probably could have used a rest stop while he was running as well.

Greene picked up the football after St. Louis Ram quarterback Tony Banks lost it in his own backfield. With no one nearby, Greene went untouched for a touchdown that helped the Carolina Panthers to a 45-13 victory.

“It was a gift from above,” Greene said. “I came around and the ball was on the ground. It wasn’t anything spectacular other than picking up the ball and running to the end zone.”

It was the second touchdown of Greene’s career. The first was as a member of the Los Angeles Rams on a 25-yard interception return against the Houston Oilers in 1987.

Greene’s moment came late in the first quarter when Banks was tackled by Shawn King at the Carolina 30. The ball squirted loose and Greene scooped it up at the 34. All that was left was for the 34-year-old, 12-year veteran to get to the end zone.

The chase seemed to be over by the time Greene crossed midfield. However, St. Louis wide receiver Eddie Kennison came downfield and went after the lumbering linebacker. It was a valiant effort that came up short.

“I looked over my shoulder a couple of times, and then at about the 30, I figured I was just going to try and truck it on in,” he said.

All Kennison was able to do was get a close-up of Greene doing a flop into the end zone and rolling over on his back.

Greene sat out the next defensive series to catch his breath.

“I don’t think I recovered until the fourth quarter,” he said.

The touchdown also made Greene an easy target for his teammates. Among the snipers was tight end Wesley Walls.

“It was hilarious,” Walls said. “It’s good to see a guy 40 years old like Kevin has got the fire and spirit of a 20-year-old.”

NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

From the home office in Ross Porter’s hometown, the most inane NFL statistic of the week, supplied by the NFL itself:

The Buffalo Bills dropped to 22-4 when Sharon Jones, the wife of the team’s strength and conditioning coordinator Rusty Jones, sings the National Anthem as she did Sunday. She began singing the anthem before some Bill games in 1988.

NO, THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE OLD

Brothers Clay and Bruce Matthews played against each other for the final time Sunday. Houston’s 23-13 victory over Atlanta gave the last decision to Bruce, a guard for the Oilers, but Clay, a defensive lineman for the Falcons, winds up with a 12-11 career advantage. Clay, at 40 the oldest player in the NFL, is retiring at the end of the season. “I was a little bit emotional after the game,” said Bruce, 35. “This makes me feel old.”

HEY, THAT’S NOT A REGULATION HELMET

Carolina Panther teammates have dubbed Matt Elliott the “Lego lineman” because, like Lego building blocks, he fits anywhere. After hearing about the nickname, the company that manufactures Legos sent Elliott a bag of blocks and a yellow Lego hat, which he keeps in his locker.

THERE’S NOTHING LIKE A LOVELY BEVERAGE

In all, 43,512 came to the New Orleans Superdome to see the Saints defeat Chicago, but that didn’t mean all the fans were enjoying the game. In the first quarter the big screen television in the stadium zoomed in on a sleeping fan barely holding on to a soda, which drew a laugh from the crowd.

NO DESSERT UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR RECEIVERS

Jet rookie Ray Mickens got burned three times by Jimmy Smith for passes of 62 and 42 yards and a 15-yard touchdown. “Mickens is a young kid,” Jet Coach Rich Kotite said. “This is part of getting experience. He’s under fire and he’ll bounce back.”

HERE’S A REALLY SCARY HALLOWEEN STORY

With the loss to Pittsburgh, Bengal Coach Dave Shula is 1-15 in October the last five years.

THEY’VE FALLEN AND THEY CAN’T GET UP

Steeler guard Brenden Stai hurt his left arm during a pileup against Cincinnati and was assisted off the field. He was to undergo an MRI test Sunday night. . . . Houston kick returner Mel Gray suffered a dislocated finger on his right hand trying to recover a fumbled punt in the fourth quarter against Atlanta. He is questionable for next week’s game against Pittsburgh. . . . St. Louis cornerback Torin Dorn was knocked woozy in a head-on collision with linebacker Roman Phifer while they were converging to make a tackle against Carolina. Dorn spent several minutes on the ground before walking to the bench with the help of two trainers. He stayed on the bench for the rest of the game, spending much of it with an ice bag on the back of his neck. . . . Arizona lost center Mike Devlin to a sprained right knee early in the second quarter against Dallas. . . . Bear guard Todd Burger left the game in the second quarter against New Orleans because of a pulled groin and did not return. . . . New Orleans safety Sean Lumpkin left the game because of a strained hamstring in the third quarter and did not return. . . . Houston quarterback Chris Chandler left the game against Atlanta because of a strained groin sustained in a sideline collision with Falcon Coach June Jones.

A KINDER, GENTLER SPOTLIGHT PAGE

In a sports world that features Roberto Alomar spitting on people and Michael Irvin, whose off-season featured a drug bust, a trial, a foiled murder-for-hire plot that targeted him, and finally a tearful apology after pleading no contest to felony cocaine possession, today’s spotlight page will close with a look at some NFL players who try to improve the world.

Phil Hansen and Jim Jeffcoat: The Buffalo players helped initiate the “Athletes Against Violence” program that focuses on treatment and rehabilitation for domestic violence abusers.

Jason Hanson: The Detroit kicker volunteers at the Providence Youth Outreach, a center that offers at-risk children an alternative to street violence. He also donates $200 for each successful field goal to the program.

John Gerak: The Minnesota guard recruits his teammates to make weekly visits to children cancer patients in area hospitals. Gerak has named the program “Anthony’s Friends” in honor of his nephew, Anthony, who has cancer.

--Compiled by HOUSTON MITCHELL