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Capsules and Rankings

Team: 1. Denver (12-1)

Opponent: at Green Bay

Comment: Broncos take pity on blubbering Cheeseheads, rest Elway.

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Team: 2. Dallas (8-5)

Opponent: at Arizona

Comment: Cowboys’ reaction--Live and Lett Die.

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Team: 3. San Francisco (10-3)

Opponent: Carolina

Comment: If Panthers beat 49ers, time to call Willie Brown.

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Team: 4. Green Bay (10-3)

Opponent: Denver

Comment: First playoff prediction--Packers are frauds.

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Team: 5. Pittsburgh (9-4)

Opponent: San Diego

Comment: Steelers order limos waiting at airport for Chargers.

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Team: 6. New England (9-4)

Opponent: N.Y. Jets

Comment: Trump says he won $20 mill on Holyfield; has Pats in Super Bowl?

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Team: 7. Buffalo (9-4)

Opponent: at Seattle

Comment: Bills without Kelly is like “Frasier” without Frasier.

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Team: 8. Washington (8-5)

Opponent: at Tampa Bay

Comment: Team gets inside info from CIA, FBI, DEA--Dilfer’s a STIFF.

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Team: 9. Carolina (9-4)

Opponent: San Francisco

Comment: First big game around here not involving Dean Smith.

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Team: 10. Kansas City (9-4)

Opponent: at Oakland

Comment: Now I lay me down to sleep watching the Chiefs.

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Team: 11. Philadelphia (8-6)

Opponent: lost Thursday

Comment: The Rhodes gotten rocky (get it?).

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Team: 12. Indianapolis (8-6)

Opponent: won Thursday

Comment: Colts might be moving to Cleveland. Alcatraz is closed.

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Team: 13. Houston (7-6)

Opponent: Jacksonville

Comment: Choices--McNair or Chandler? Roseanne or Rosie O’Donnell?

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Team: 14. Minnesota (7-6)

Opponent: at Detroit

Comment: Vikings thinking playoffs; Conan O’Brien believes he’s funny.

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Team: 15. Oakland (6-7)

Opponent: Kansas City

Comment: Raiders can’t settle on punter. Al must be on vacation.

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Team: 16. Miami (6-7)

Opponent: N.Y. Giants

Comment: Johnson guarantees win over Giants, predicts Allies to win WWII.

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Team: 17. Jacksonville (6-7)

Opponent: at Houston

Comment: The part of Scrooge will be played by Tom Coughlin.

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Team: 18. Quitters (7-6)

Opponent: at Pittsburgh

Comment: Chargers’ new mascot--Straw Man--flops around with no heart.

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Team: 19. Arizona (6-7)

Opponent: Dallas

Comment: Cards spent week reading Penthouse to prep for Cowboys.

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Team: 20. Cincinnati (5-8)

Opponent: Baltimore

Comment: Imagine sitting in the cold to see the Bengals and Ravens.

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Team: 21. Seattle (5-8)

Opponent: Buffalo

Comment: Seahawks lose Blades for the season. Stop the presses.

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Team: 22. N.Y. Giants (5-8)

Opponent: at Miami

Comment: Players sick, but they were viewing themselves on film.

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Team: 23. Chicago (5-8)

Opponent: St. Louis

Comment: That Tiny Tim halftime show has been canceled.

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Team: 24. Detroit (5-8)

Opponent: Minnesota

Comment: Fontes--”I’ll be home for Christmas.”

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Team: 25. Baltimore (4-9)

Opponent: at Cincinnati

Comment: Fire at Cleveland Stadium this week; anyone seen Modell?

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Team: 26. Tampa Bay (4-9)

Opponent: Washington

Comment: Man walks on moon--Bucs beat Redskins three in a row.

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Team: 27. St. Louis (4-9)

Opponent: at Chicago

Comment: Georgia’s shopping for new coach; no doubt bargain hunting.

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Team: 28. New Orleans (2-11)

Opponent: Atlanta

Comment: Everett sees doctor, but talent transplant ruled out.

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Team: 29. Atlanta (2-11)

Opponent: at New Orleans

Comment: Who did more damage to Atlanta? Sherman or June Jones?

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Team: 30. N.Y. Jets (1-12)

Opponent: at New England

Comment: Stallone to play Jet quarterback in next disaster flick.

* THE POLLS: Associated Press and USA Today/CNN--C12