Team: 1. Denver (13-2)
Opponent: at San Diego
Comment: Broncos more keen on seeing Shamu than dead Bolts.
Team: 2. Dallas (10-5)
Opponent: at Washington
Comment: Irvin says he's not doing drugs--Scout's honor.
Team: 3. Green Bay (12-3)
Comment: Cable deal will let Cheeselugs see Denver win it all.
Team: 4. Carolina (11-4)
Comment: Been a Panther fan all my life.
Team: 5. New England (10-5)
Opponent: at N.Y. Giants
Comment: Parcells to Jets? After a vacation in Siberia.
Team: 6. San Francisco (11-4)
Comment: Walsh made big difference, 49ers fall to wild card.
Team: 7. Pittsburgh (10-5)
Opponent: at Carolina
Comment: Without Bettis, it's not a wonderful life for Steelers.
Team: 8. Indianapolis (9-6)
Opponent: at Cincinnati
Comment: Colts recovering from injuries, spoiling their chances.
Team: 9. Philadelphia (9-6)
Comment: Eagles are a sorry team, but they won't apologize.
Team: 10. Minnesota (9-6)
Opponent: at Green Bay
Comment: Vikings make playoffs, leaving Holtz to wash cars.
Team: 11. Buffalo (9-6)
Opponent: Kansas City
Comment: Wild-card match race between two plow horses.
Team: 12. Kansas City (9-6)
Opponent: at Buffalo
Comment: Bono asked to save the day. Send for the coroner.
Team: 13. Jacksonville (8-7)
Comment: Win, and they're in playoffs, Lose, and they stink.
Team: 14. Arizona (7-8)
Opponent: at Philadelphia
Comment: This is what NFL is all about--trying to go .500.
Team: 15. Cincinnati (7-8)
Comment: Coslet fires coaches, but gives them fruitcakes.
Team: 16. Chicago (7-8)
Opponent: at Tampa Bay
Comment: Dave Krieg celebrates his 60th birthday Sunday.
Team: 17. Washington (8-7)
Comment: Life ain't fair: "Baywatch" loses Pamela, Redskins eliminated.
Team: 18. Nashville (7-8)
Opponent: at Baltimore
Comment: Country songs sad now? Wait till Oilers arrive.
Team: 19. Oakland (7-8)
Comment: Refs are picking on Raiders, well, let's hope so.
Team: 20. Miami (7-8)
Opponent: at N.Y. Jets
Comment: Hope Jimmy Johnson doesn't get carried away and fire himself.
Team: 21. Seattle (6-9)
Opponent: at Oakland
Comment: Erickson better at coaching Miami criminals than pros.
Team: 22. Quitters (7-8)
Comment: Charger fans will receive white towels to wave in surrender.
Team: 23. N.Y. Giants (6-9)
Opponent: New England
Comment: One last wish: Reeves beats Parcells in Giants' finale.
Team: 24. Tampa (5-10)
Comment: Just wait until next year when the Buccaneers lose 10 more games.
Team: 25. Detroit (5-10)
Opponent: at San Francisco
Comment: E! fires O.J. actor; Fontes asks to audition.
Team: 26. St. Louis (5-10)
Opponent: New Orleans
Comment: Just one more honeymoon for Georgia gone sour.
Team: 27. Baltimore (4-11)
Comment: Fans would rather have Tickle Me Elmo than bad Browns.
Team: 28. New Orleans (3-12)
Opponent: at St. Louis
Comment: Ditka & Everett: Just imagine the possibilities.
Team: 29. Atlanta (3-12)
Opponent: at Jacksonville
Comment: Gibbs to coach Falcons? Lombardi unavailable.
Team: 30. N.Y. Jets (1-14)
Comment: On the 12th day of Christmas, Kotite still had just one win.