Big Guns in Sports: Dallas Cowboys coach...

Big Guns in Sports: Dallas Cowboys coach Barry Switzer was arrested for carrying a loaded gun in his travel bag. “It was all very innocent,” says Russ Myers. “He carries it to protect his players from drug thieves.”

* “It’s Texas. We thought they gave those things out with boarding passes.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

* “This is one coach nobody’s gonna throw Gatorade on.” (Jay Leno)

* “The Cowboys are amazing,” says Argus Hamilton. “Team members have been arrested for drugs, assault, firearms and drunk driving. Garth Brooks is rushing to put all this to music in time for his Central Park concert.”

And the NBA rookie of the year Allen Iverson of the Philadelphia 76ers was arrested on weapons and marijuana charges. “The 76ers want to see Iverson treated like any other suspect,” says the Daily Scoop. “The Cowboys want to know if he can catch a football.”

* “It’s nice to see a rookie behaving like a seasoned veteran.” (Olympia Daily World)

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Men in Brown: “Employees at United Parcel Service walked off their jobs at odds with the company over a number of issues--salary, pensions, part-time jobs and those goofy brown shorts.” (Alex Kaseberg)

* “The strike is hitting the nation pretty hard,” says Zack Taylor. “Those guys at the post office are taking advantage, though. They’re taking this opportunity to release that warehouse full of New Kids on the Block stamps.”

* “The post office and Fed Ex are just swamped,” says Leno. “Here’s what you do. Write ‘cocaine’ on your package and give it to a Delta Airlines worker. He’ll see it gets delivered.”

* “Now we’re going to have to find other people to leave notes on our doors when we’re not home.” (Steve Tatham)

* “The good news is, this strike could end double parking as we know it.” (Leno)

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Barbie Speaks: “Mattel is coming out with a Talking Barbie,” says Steve Voldseth. “Actually, they say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.”

“They are introducing a new Dentist Barbie,” says Paul Steinberg. “Boy, how exciting. What’s next? CPA Barbie?”

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In the Bamboo Forest: “Zoologists have discovered a colony of 30 rare giant pandas in a remote region of China’s Gansu province,” says Bob Mills. “While 29 appear to be indigenous to the area, one has been identified as a gift from Democratic campaign fund-raisers.”

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Reader Colleen Rose says her neighbor Sasha Martin got a new fax machine for her home office. Martin’s 3-year-old daughter, Alexandra, playing nearby, summoned her.

“Mommy! There’s paper coming out of the phone!”