Not to Mention the Part About How They Fall

Shirley Povich of the Washington Post isn’t impressed with the current crop of heavyweight boxers.

“For years, the heavyweight boxing scene has been a jungle overgrown with losers,” he writes. “There is only one credible heavyweight among the list: [Evander] Holyfield. The others are a collection of recycled has-beens, pathetic wannabes, and a raft of vast wastelands . . .”

As for a unification title fight between Holyfield and Lennox Lewis, who stands 6 feet 5 and weighs 230 pounds, Povich says:

“Lewis could evoke the same reaction from Holyfield that Whitey Ford expressed when he first beheld the 6-7 Frank Howard taking batting practice.

“Mused the calculating Yankee pitcher Ford: ‘Geez, what a strike zone.’ ”

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Trivia time: Who is the only Heisman Trophy winner of the last 35 years who didn’t play professional football?

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What’s next? From the SportsLetter of the Amateur Athletic Foundation of Los Angeles on underwater hockey:

“The object is to shoot a 3.5-pound metal puck into the opponents’ goal on the bottom of the pool. There are 10 players on each team, with six per team in the water at any one time. Athletes compete wearing mask, fins, snorkel and protective equipment for hands, head and mouth.”

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Feel inferior? A statistic from Golf Digest: 128--ball speed of a shot hit by the average male golfer in mph. 177--ball speed of a Tiger Woods shot in mph.

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Canine experts: Art Spander in the Oakland Tribune on the San Francisco 49ers’ weak schedule in the NFC West.

” . . . They have faced so many dogs their players should be chosen honorary judges for the Westminster Kennel Club’s best of show competition.”

Perhaps that explains why the 49ers were blown out, 44-9, Sunday by Kansas City, a real team.

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Heavy stuff: New Orleans Saint cornerback Eric Allen on Coach Mike Ditka’s “I don’t have it speech” which Ditka recanted the next day: “It was almost a day of infamy.”

Comment from John Crumpacker in the San Francisco Examiner: “Infamy? Let’s leave such great words to Franklin [Delano] Roosevelt. This is only football.”

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Trivia answer: Charlie Ward, the 1993 winner, who plays pro basketball with the New York Knicks.

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And finally: Sometimes it’s the little things that persuade a football player to choose one college over another.

Andrew Bagnato of the Chicago Tribune recalls that when Bill Dooley was coaching at Virginia Tech, he once lost a heated recruiting battle with Clemson.

When Dooley asked why the player had chosen Clemson, he replied that the school had a soft ice cream machine, and that he loved soft ice cream.

The next week, Virginia Tech’s players found a new soft ice cream machine in their cafeteria.