Wait Until Mr. Blackwell’s List Comes Out

Spy magazine’s annual list of the 100 worst people, places and things includes, predictably, numerous sports entries.

Topping the sports entries at No. 13 is Marv Albert, called “The World’s Greatest Transvestite Sports Announcer.”

Coming in at No. 28 are Green Bay’s dignity-challenged Cheeseheads.

The ubiquitous Tiger Woods is No. 32 and the much-hyped WNBA is No. 56. Spy’s comment about the quality of WNBA play: “Much was also spent on research to determine the ball’s colors. No color tested makes the ball go into the basket more often.”

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Add Spy: The bench-clearing brawl between the New York Knicks and Miami Heat came in at No. 59. “Visual excitement: P.J. Brown knocked down by midget Charlie Ward, picked up midget and viciously body-slammed him.”

On Mike Tyson at No. 81: “Tyson’s attempts to excuse his savagery leaned perhaps too heavily on the hypothesis that, thanks to Holyfield’s head butts, ‘When I go home, my kids will be scared of me.’ ”

On washout Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu at No. 96: “The oval Japanese power pitcher. Pitching coach Billy Connors told reporters that Irabu would train like a Spartan in the off-season, while Irabu sat and smoked cigarettes behind him.”

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Trivia time: Which Pacific 10 Conference team took unbeaten records into the 1949, 1950 and 1951 Rose Bowl games and lost each time?

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Add Cheeseheads: Not all souvenirs are created equal. The manufacturers of the Cheese Tops hats favored by Packer fans--that wedge-of-Swiss headgear--won a copyright battle with the makers of the Cheesehead hat.

No sooner had that been settled, than Cheese Tops was sued by the maker of an inflatable head wedge called the Cheese Hat, alleging copyright infringement.

Also available are such products as Cheesehead cologne, earrings and cuff links in the shape of cheese wedges and, predictably, Cheesehead Beer.

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On your marks: Wilt Chamberlain was selected to unveil a 7-foot map of the course for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon, to be run next summer at San Diego.

Chamberlain ran cross-country in high school and earned a letter in track and field at Kansas. More recently, he sponsored an elite women’s track club called “Wilt’s Wonder Women.”

Chamberlain says he may start the race, “then fake it.”

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Trivia answer: California.

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And finally: In the Spy spoof, the annoying top 100 are “judged” according to nonsensical figure skating rules, a sport the magazine finds annoying.

Under “Law of the Rink,” the magazine helpfully explains the Meaningless Waving of Arms rule:

“In international competition, judges penalize any skater guilty of lavish and gaudy arm movements intended to distract critics from the . . . well, skating. At the end of the day, ice skating is a sport, not a dance, and judges are aware that it is in the highly charged relationship between the skater and the unforgiving surface of the ice that true genius announces its arrival.”

Scores?