Lifetime Ban Has a Short Shelf Life

The final judge and jury in the Mike Tyson case will not be five people you’ve never heard of from the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

Oh, they’ll make a call, all right. Some length of suspension, some cash out of Tyson’s pocket. We’ll know the details soon, maybe next week.

But even if those details include a lifetime suspension, expect it to be like one of those lifetime suspensions in track and field.

You have seen those, in which the athlete tests positive for a banned drug and claims the guy in the lab messed up because the athlete never, ever used performance-enhancing drugs, and the fact that he gained 50 pounds in the last six months and just broke a world record by 10 feet is all a coincidence. At last count, all 3,427 track and field athletes testing positive for banned drugs claimed innocence and were victims of some klutz in the lab.

Many track athletes are given lifetime suspensions. But “lifetime” in the world of track and field usually means a little more than a year, depending on what quality of pinstripe suit your lawyers wear.

It will be similar with Tyson, who, unlike his track and field brethren, is not claiming innocence. But then, his track and field brethren, unlike Tyson, aren’t biting off people’s ears.

No, Tyson admitted he’s a creep, which may be the only refreshing thing about this story.

If it is a lifetime suspension that the Nevada State Athletic Commission hands down, or even anything longer than the one year Tyson seems to be expecting, Tyson will do what the track and field people do: hire a lawyer. The argument will be that ever-present red-white-and-blue stance that Tyson has been deprived of his right to make a living.

He and his lawyers will win, of course, because the Nevada State Athletic Commission won’t want to face the prospect of huge legal fees. And Tyson will be back in the ring almost before we know it.

It will be then that the real judge and jury, the American sports fan/consumer, will be asked to pass judgment. And for people like Tyson and his promoter, Don King, it will be the only verdict that really matters.

It will come down to this:

Pay the $49.95 to see Tyson fight and cast your vote for public barbarism, socially unacceptable behavior, unthinkable example-setting for children and a further absence of conscience in a sport that never had much anyway.

Or don’t pay the $49.95 and cast a vote against Tyson and for no more second chances, no more flower-child forgive-and-forget posturing, no more weak-in-the-knees, people-change stances.

Almost since the first javelin was thrown in Athens, sports fans have been swamped with opportunities to draw lines in the sand. Baseball fans swear they will never return after strikes, and always do. Fans in cities where pro football teams leave for greener pastures swear they will never again watch that team on TV or patronize its sponsors, and always do.

Mike Tyson will be back, in the ring, in the public, in our psyche.

And, because lots of people will still pay the $49.95, he will also, before you know it, be back in the money.

Bank on it.