The Day Perot Got Licked in Ice Cream Poll

You hardly need be reminded but this is a historic day. It was a year ago that Glendale-based Baskin-Robbins denied Ross Perot a spot in its presidential ice cream poll, dooming the Texan’s candidacy. He had nothing to offer against Clinton’s Sax-y Candydate and Dole’s G.O.P.eanut Butter.

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NOT SO GRAND PRIZE: Paula Van Gelder found a West L.A. gas station offering a Lotto jackpot of $7, which, she pointed out, “hardly seems worthwhile, considering the cost of the ticket.” (see photo)

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LEAVE IT TO THE WESTSIDE . . . : Les Modiest of L.A. sent along an announcement from the Brentwood Hills Homeowners Assn., whose members seem to have devised a new way to finance their pets. (see excerpt)

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SPELL CHECKS: Some colorful new ways of putting together letters of the alphabet, as spotted by Only in L.A.’s guerrilla force of proofreaders:

* A flier offering “profetional” painting and free “stimates” (submitted by Eunice Farrell).

* A flier with an address for anyone who would like to “perches this piece of art” (Hal Shawlee).

* A sign advertising “codroy” pants (Renee Hanke).

* A sale of “sheap cloth’s” (Troxey Kemper).

* A school offering “credentiated teachers” (W. Douglas Kari).

* A menu listing “Crab Lewie” (Tom Woods).

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PLATE OF THE WEEK (CONT.): IMAKUPU, theorizes Paul Young of Inglewood, “belongs to an omnipotent mother--’I Make You Pick Up’!”

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A FLOOD IN WEST L.A.: It struck without warning in the West L.A. Courthouse. A defendant sentenced to community service stopped by the office where he was to receive his assignment. Finding it locked, he kicked a drinking fountain to the floor, letting loose a stream of water. Firefighters arrived to squelch the emergency. Always a pleasure to see real profetionals at work.

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EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE: In the book “Picture,” author Lillian Ross reprinted a 1950 communique from motion picture censors regarding the script for the John Huston movie “The Red Badge of Courage”:

Page 21: The expression “damn” is unacceptable.

Page 41: The same applies to the exclamation “Lord!,” the expression “I swear t’Gawd.”

Page 42: The same applies to “Lord knows” and the exclamation “Gawd!”

Page 44: The exclamation “Good Lord!” is unacceptable.

Page 65: The expression “hell to pay” is unacceptable.

Most of the above expressions are absent from the movies today too. Only now they’re considered so tame as to be boring.

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CABLE GUY: Lynn Dickhoff of Topanga was chatting with a cable repairman on a power pole when he mentioned that her television reception would be restored in a few minutes.

Dickhoff informed him she didn’t own a television.

“That’s good,” the cable man said.

“Why?” she asked.

“You’re one less person to get mad at me if your TV goes out,” he answered.

miscelLAny:

“Spam-Ka-Bobs,” by Mary Ligtenberg of Ontario won first prize at the L.A. County Fair’s Spam cook-off. Ingredients, in case you want to cook up a batch, include Spam, pineapple chunks, fresh mushrooms, red and green bell peppers, honey and mustard. And for dessert? Well, third place went to Lancaster resident Darlene Ward’s “Fruity Herb Spam Cheesecake.” Sorry, there were no Spam Lewie entries.