Appleby Will See if His Heart Is in It

Stuart Appleby is making a comeback here this week at the PGA Championship on a tree-lined course in the Pacific Northwest, many miles and heartaches away from the teeming Waterloo Station in London, where he lost his wife last month.

It almost doesn’t seem real, Appleby says. But then, how could it when you’ve seen your wife crushed between two cars.

Renay Appleby was 25. She used to caddie for her 27-year-old husband when Appleby was getting started. They were from Australia and were inseparable.

Now, Appleby said, it’s time to start playing golf again. He hopes he’ll be able to do that when the PGA begins Thursday at Sahalee Country Club.

“I’ve got to bust through this little bubble that’s in front of me,” he said Tuesday. “It’s tough getting through the nights.

“When you really love someone, you miss the simple things. It’s a whole package of experiences that you’ve shared with someone. And when they’re not there anymore, your brain has trouble.”

Appleby hasn’t played since he missed the cut at the British Open. They went to London for a vacation before playing another tournament in Europe. At Waterloo Station, Renay Appleby got out of a taxi and walked to the curb, then remembered she had left something in the trunk. When she got behind the taxi, the driver apparently stepped on the gas instead of the brake and pinned her between his and another vehicle.

It is a vision that will haunt Appleby for a long time but he decided that maybe the best way to deal with it is to talk about it. As he spoke with reporters, he paused often, to compose himself or to choke back tears.

“The toughest times are probably when you do a lot of thinking . . . when you just wish things were different,” he said.

He treasures the memories of his wife and in time they may make him happier than they do right now.

“They make me happy, but I feel very sad that I won’t get anymore. You know what I mean?”

Many do. Billy Mayfair and his wife had dinner with the Applebys the night before Renay died. Last week, when Mayfair won the Buick Open, he dedicated the victory to Renay. Nick Price mentioned Renay when he won at Memphis the week before.

Tiger Woods said he could barely look at Appleby when they met in the locker room Monday.

“Everyone here has been open arms, open heart and we welcome him back,” Woods said. “If he ever needs us at any time, we’re always there for him. We’ll drop whatever we’re doing because to lose a loved one like that so quickly and tragically is . . . it’s just a shame.”

Maybe the best way to live with such a tragedy is to get back to work. That’s why Appleby is here, trying to get back to normal, if that’s possible. He has a tournament victory this year, a win at the Kemper Open to go with the win he had last year in the Honda Classic.

At 27, Appleby has the look of a winner, a rising star, the next Greg Norman. Now, things are different.

“I felt like she was first prize of a raffle in life, picking partners, and I was lucky enough to win her,” he said. “She changed me.

“The things I will miss with Renay will be so many small, little things. Now I’m walking around the course--I don’t see her. She’s not there walking, not helping me when I need help.

“It’s not the big things, it’s all the little things. And they all add up. They make someone’s life.”

Appleby plans to play the next two tournaments before flying back home to Isleworth, near Orlando, Fla., to the house that Renay worked so hard to plan, to build and to decorate. She put her heart and soul in it and soon Appleby will be back there, by himself. But only after he finds out what he can do playing golf again.

Appleby doesn’t expect much.

“It’s just another golf tournament, just one shot at a time,” he said. “I’ve just got to take baby steps here. I don’t ask myself much except to try to do the things that will get me through this . . . and sometimes I don’t even know what those things are.”

PGA Notes

The field for the 80th PGA includes 87 of the world’s top 100 ranked players. . . . Darren Clarke of Northern Ireland pulled out because his wife had a baby. Clarke was replaced by Jim Carter. Bernhard Langer withdrew because of a bad back and Bruce Lietzke pulled out because of a hernia problem.

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TOURNAMENT AT A GLANCE

When: Thursday-Sunday

Where: Sahalee Country Club, Redmond, Wash.

Yards: 6,906, Par 70

TV: Thu.-Fri., TBS; Sat.-Sun., TBS, Channel 2

Defending champion: Davis Love III