‘Oh Yeah? And I’m Eliot Ness’

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe writing in a Walter Mitty mode:

“Next time Ted Williams comes to town, my goal is to pick him up at the airport. Then I want to drive him to his hotel, via the Ted Williams tunnel.

“Then I want to get pulled over by a cop because I’m neither a cab or commercial vehicle. Then I want to tell the cop, ‘Oh yeah? Well, I just happen to have Ted Williams in the car. What do you think about that?’

“This is my new goal in life.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL postseason record for most touchdown passes in a game?

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Long-range drought: Manhattan went one for 25 from three-point range in a recent 73-46 loss to Mount St. Mary’s. The Jaspers could take solace in that their 0.4 effort from beyond the arc wasn’t the worst in Division I history.

Canisius, another Metro Atlantic Conference team, missed all 22 of its three-point shots against St. Bonaventure on Jan. 21, 1995.

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Cheap shot: Jorge L. Ortiz in the San Francisco Examiner: “In Denver, the lowly Nuggets are being called the ‘No-guts.’ ”

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The Whiff Brothers: The Chicago Cubs will have Henry Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa in the middle of their lineup in 1998. Rodriguez struck out 149 times in 132 games last season, Sosa 174 times in 162 games.

Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post concludes: “The Windy City is going to be windier than ever next season.”

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Beauty teams: Mike Lopresti of USA Today on Michigan and Nebraska sharing the college football national championship:

“And who’s to seriously quibble, even if it’s almost like having two Miss Americas walking down the aisle?”

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Oh no, not again: Even though Mike Tyson has been banned from boxing, the World Wrestling Federation wants him to referee in the Wrestlemania XIV pay-per-view show March 29 in Boston.

“The WWF is attempting to cut a deal through promoter Don King,” wrote Joe Knowles of the Chicago Tribune, “but they’re not sure if Tyson will bite.”

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FYI: A statistic to consider in Sunday’s NFC championship game between San Francisco and Green Bay: The 49ers have played only five teams that had records of .500 or better, and they lost to three of them.

The Packers are 8-1 against teams with winning records.

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Looking back: On this day in 1979, the Rams defeated the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 9-0, to win the NFC championship.

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Trivia answer: Daryle Lamonica of the Oakland Raiders with six against Houston in 1969, a record equaled by Steve Young of the San Francisco 49ers against San Diego in the 1994 Super Bowl.

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And finally: Denver Bronco Coach Mike Shanahan said his son was making his first trip to Arrowhead Stadium for Sunday’s NFL playoff game with the Kansas City Chiefs.

“He looked around and said, ‘Dad, this sounds like “The American Gladiators” in here.’

“I told him, ‘That’s exactly right.’ Boy, these fans are loud in here.”