GAME DAY

1. Question: How are you supposed to tell the difference between the Rams’ Mike Jones and the Rams’ Mike Jones?

Answer: The Rams will play Mike D. Jones on their defensive line and Mike A. Jones at linebacker, but NFL rules prohibit the team from placing the middle initial on the back of their uniforms. Said Mike Jones: “When the public address announcer says: ‘Tackle by Jones,’ I think I’ll jump up first, so I can pad my stats.” Ah, that was Mike D. Jones who said that. I think.

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2. Q: Who should have laid off the pizzas?

A: Ram running back Ironhead Heyward. Heyward signed a $4.5-million contract last season but was cut the other day after failing to report to the team because he was too heavy. Instead of collecting $4.5 million, Heyward leaves with a $1.3-million signing bonus and his $300,000 base salary from last season. “I apologized to the management and to the ownership for bringing him here,” Coach Dick Vermeil said. “You hate to make mistakes in signing free agents. Everybody does it, but sometimes you think you’re immune. And I proved I am not immune.”

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3. Q: Has Green Bay Coach Mike Holmgren lost it?

A: Anyone who signs quarterback Rick Mirer is immediately suspect. But someone has to sit next to Brett Favre on the team bus and laugh at his jokes. “I guess it goes back to when he came out of college,” Holmgren said. “I really liked Rick as a player, I remember the report I wrote up. If you have a chance to get a quarterback you liked at some point and then get him with you and see for yourself what the problem is, and see if you can fix it, I think you’ve got to take the shot. That’s what we’re doing with Rick.”

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4. Q: Any sleepers this year?

A: Cincinnati Bengals. History says they won’t awaken until the second half of the season. Since 1991 the Bengals have gone 9-47 the first half of the season, 27-29 the last eight games.

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5. Q: Who’s looking a little overrated these days?

A: Miami Coach Jimmy Johnson. Dolphin fans wanted Don Shula to retire after going 19-13 his final two seasons in order to get Johnson, who is now 17-15 the past two years. Maybe Jerry Jones was really coaching the Cowboys all those years in Dallas.