T.J. SIMERS’ RANKINGS

Top 5

1. JACKSONVILLE Mark Brunell is 25-8 vs. AFC Central foes. How could anyone lose eight games to the likes of Browns, Steelers, Bengals . . . ?

2. INDIANAPOLIS Dear Peyton, I have a 23-year-old daughter, single, college grad, looking for a husband with millions. Please call.

3. ST. LOUIS Kurt Warner: “We don’t lose at home--period.” Hey, play somebody tough--exclamation point!

4. TENNESSEE Titans are 16-2 when Steve McNair runs for a touchdown, a lot worse when he tries to throw for a score.

5. MINNESOTA Jeff George is going to get the chance he never had playing with Raiders--compete in a playoff game.

Bottom 5

27. SAN DIEGO No Pro Bowl (good) players? Geez, what a surprise.

28. SAN FRANCISCO When the 49ers heard about the “Man on the Moon,” they wanted to know if he was available to play cornerback.

29. ATLANTA If Chris Chandler played role of Santa, he’d hurt himself coming down the chimney.

30. CLEVELAND Forty-four other Browns are now asking themselves why they didn’t deck the ref and earn a suspension to avoid playing the Colts.

31. NEW ORLEANS The Saints will start fourth-string quarterback Jake Delhomme. They apparently ran out of white towels.