Does This Make Tiger a Busy Signal?

Johnny Miller commenting on Fred Couples in Golf Digest:

“He’s a beautiful guy and super talented, but he’s always been a bit of a walking dial tone, a boat with a small rudder. . . .

“Fred is motivated in a vague way, but he’s never learned how to focus hard on specific goals. . . .

“If the good Lord had given Fred the eye of the tiger, the ability to identify and organize his objectives, his outstanding record would be off the charts.”

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Trivia time: Who was the first winner of the Los Angeles Open, now known as the Nissan Open?

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Blink of an eye: In the Daytona 500, Jeff Gordon beat Dale Earnhardt by 0.128 of a second. Putting that margin in perspective, comedy writer Jerry Perisho says:

“That’s roughly the time it takes between the stoplight turning green and that idiot behind you leaning on his horn.”

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Reverse acknowledgment: From David Letterman: “Last week the Senate voted to acquit the president of all the charges against him. Immediately after the votes were counted, President Clinton received a phone call from the Denver Broncos congratulating him.”

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Please come back: Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “No wonder David Stern wants [Dennis] Rodman back. Think of the fine money the league stands to lose.”

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Cheap shot: Chris Myers, commenting on boxing promoter Don King on Fox Sports News: “[Don King] took a ride on a dog sled. It was so cold, he had his hands in his own pockets.”

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Empty pockets: Ray Ratto in the San Francisco Examiner: “Salt Lake City is quiet these days, perhaps because the city finally ran out of things to give to the International Olympic Committee’s Directorate of Graft.”

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Passing the time: Barry Horn in the Dallas Morning News: “True story: Actor Christian Slater and the ubiquitous Dick Vitale struck up a conversation backstage at the ESPYs. Only when they parted did each admit he had no idea who he was talking to.

“For the record, Slater last appeared in ‘Very Bad things,’ Vitale is the one who says very silly things.”

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Waste-logged: Tiger Woods and Kevin Costner were a team at the recent AT&T; Pebble Beach National Pro-Am golf tournament. Said NBC’s Conan O’Brien:

“Apparently, everything was going fine until Costner got stuck on a water hazard and spent $200 million.”

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Trivia answer: Harry Cooper, in 1926 at Los Angeles Country Club. He was a three-stroke winner over amateur George Von Elm.

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And finally: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “From the day Rodman showed up here with a Bull logo carved in his head, I’ve been on to this guy.

“Rodman is one of the great frauds of our time. He is an exotic indulgence and a vulgar aberration.

“In other words, Rodman should fit in very well in Los Angeles.”