‘Worm Watch’ Is Entertainment for All Interested

Rick Telander writing in the Chicago Sun-Times: “There are people everywhere running NBA enterprises who think they can harness the Worm and make him, as they say, ‘fit right in.’

“Of course, they are wrong.

“But the high humor of watching respected general managers and owners discuss [Dennis] Rodman as if he were a normal athlete is what makes sports analysis a fine occupation.”

More Worm: Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “Dennis Rodman wanted his Laker contract to have some kind of movie deal included. Sorry, but they already made ‘Virus.’ ”

Trivia time: What do Fred Wampler, Bob Lunn, Pat Fitzsimons, David Edwards, Doug Tewell, and Ted Schulz have in common?

Moral victory: When NBA players complain about playing on consecutive nights, Seattle SuperSonic Coach Paul Westphal recalls when teams sometimes played three games in a row:

“We [the Phoenix Suns] played Friday night in Phoenix, Saturday night in San Diego against the Clippers and a Sunday morning 11 o’clock game for TV against the Lakers and Magic Johnson and all those guys,” he said. “And you know, you’d think we’d get killed. . . we only got beat by 40 or 50.”

‘Spoon’s spin: Saint Louis basketball Coach Charlie Spoonhour on his team’s deliberate style: “We control tempo. We don’t use the word ‘slow.’ Recruits might be listening.”

Enough already: Nick Canepa in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “New York needs [Roger] Clemens like it needs another pothole. This is like Bill Gates making another billion, Tiger Woods getting another car, Jay Leno growing a double chin. This is excess like we’ve never seen before.”

Bargain: Barry Horn in the Dallas Morning News: “Action: Some anonymous East Coast collector purchased O.J. Simpson’s Heisman Trophy at auction for $255,000.

“Reaction: Surely, it was the shortest and least-expensive Heisman campaign in the last decade.”

No names: Shaun Powell in Newsday: “Once one of the world’s most identifiable teams, the Bulls now need lengthy pregame introductions, with bios.

“Where there once was Rodman, there’s now Bryant [Mark, not Kobe]. No more Pippen, just Carr. [Corey, not Antoine]. In place of Jordan is Barry. [Not Rick, but Brent].

Bottoms up: Art Spander of the Oakland Tribune recalling 1930s comedian W.C. Fields, who once said the only easy shot at Riviera Country Club is the first one at the 19th hole.

Trivia answer: They were all winners of the Los Angeles Open.

And finally: Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “I got another death threat last week. . . A death threat is not a humorous subject, especially if you are the threatee.

“But I’ve received, literally, more than a hundred death threats in the past quarter-century in Denver. I don’t hold the record for a writer. An entire religious sect promised to kill Salman Rushdie.

“But I’m just a goofy sports columnist. Kill me, and 35 more goofy sports columnists can be hired at this bus station.”