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They Said What?

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TIMES STAFF WRITER

Now, for some low-definition TV: Before immersing ourselves in Super Bowl XXXIII on Fox, let’s review the various lowlights and oddball moments brought to your screen during the 1998 football season. Fortunately, TV Times--unlike the NFL--uses instant replay.

WORST ANALYSIS: Before the New Year’s Day game, CBS’ Craig James declared that “Wisconsin is the worst team ever to play in the Rose Bowl.” The Badgers then went on to defeat UCLA, 38-31, finishing with an 11-1 record.

ILLEGAL USE OF THE MICROPHONE: Unaware that he was on the air, ABC’s Al Michaels uttered a four-letter profanity, the “s” word. Critics were amazed, not so much at his slip, but that he got in a word edgewise against motormouth colleagues Dan Dierdorf and Boomer Esiason.

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WHY BROADCASTERS GET THE BIG BUCKS: Before the season began, ESPN broadcaster Joe Theismann said, “I like Tampa Bay against Kansas City in the Super Bowl.” The two teams lost 17 games between them; neither even made the playoffs.

HE’S CERTAINLY QUALIFIED: Theismann came out with the book, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Football Like a Pro.”

MOST IDIOTIC MOVE: In order to compete with a cable wrestling show, ABC moved back the kickoff for Monday Night Football 40 minutes--to 5:20 Pacific time--depriving many commuters on the West Coast of seeing the games’ opening minutes.

CRACKED CRYSTAL BALL: ESPN’s Chris Mortensen predicted early in the season that Green Bay coach Mike Holmgren would be hired by San Francisco. Later, he reported that Cleveland wanted Holmgren. Later, he reported that the Washington Redskins were interested in Holmgren. Holmgren eventually was hired by Seattle.

SMILE WHEN YOU SAY THAT: USA Today’s Rudy Martzke gave a “Say What” award to ABC’s Brent Musburger. The latter announced at the end of the first half of the Michigan-Michigan State game that he was throwing the broadcast back to the studio “to our wide man, John Saunders.” Studio host Saunders replied, “I’m not sure how you mean that.”

FATHER OF THE YEAR: Midway through the season, ABC broadcaster Bob Griese said he hoped Denver would not go undefeated even though his son Brian is a backup quarterback on the team. Reason: If the Broncos won all their games, they would equal the feat of Pop Griese’s 1972 Miami Dolphins team. Denver’s streak was eventually broken by the New York Giants.

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WORST TALENT SIZE-UP: CNN’s James Lofton predicted that San Diego Chargers rookie quarterback Ryan Leaf would be “the second coming of (ex-Chargers star) Dan Fouts.” Leaf, a huge disappointment, was benched halfway through the year.

DON’T LET GEORGE DO IT: Stoic George Siefert, the ex-San Francisco coach, assured reporters that he had a “zany” side after he was named to CBS’ “NFL Today” scoreboard show. Instead, as the Washington Post’s Leonard Shapiro said, he came off more as a “junior high school science teacher” --a grumpy one at that--and was removed from the show halfway through the season.

HIS BIGGEST SCOOP: Siefert predicted, predicting, “I don’t believe I’ll be a candidate for the Cleveland Browns job.” He was hired to coach Carolina.

NOW THAT’S ZANY: Asked what the Philadelphia Eagles anemic offense needed, ABC’s Esiason said, “An enema.”

GUARANTEED TO HAPPEN: Just as ABC’s Griese was saying how “impressed” he was at Wisconsin’s ability to stop UCLA’s offense in the Rose Bowl, UCLA’s offense scored on a 38-yard touchdown pass.

GUARANTEED TO HAPPEN II: Sizing up the Minnesota-Atlanta matchup in the NFC finals, Fox’s Chris Collinsworth declared, “Minnesota has the best offense in the history of the NFL.” The Vikings went on to lose, 30-27.

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WEARING TWO HATS AWARD: A press release from Michael Ovitz’s LA Football Group, which is competing for a pro football franchise, said that “Jim Hill of KCBS-TV” participated in the group’s presentation to NFL owners. After questions were raised about Hill’s objectivity as a reporter, KCBS said the sportscaster was not representing the station. Informed that Hill’s affiliation was mentioned in the press release, the station then said Hill would not report on the story again.

EXPERT ADVICE: The author of the sports novel “Toss” wrote that an NFL player’s best approach to dealing with the media is to “use the language of color commentators, stating things so obvious they’d be comical in any other setting.” The author: rookie commentator Esiason.

KEEPING IN CHARACTER: Esiason employed the phrase “you know” 142 times in his first two weeks, Washington Post critic Norman Chad quipped--”the highest two-game total in football broadcast history.”

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