Plunging the Depths of Job Seeker Files

“Why should we hire you?” Long Beach’s Aquarium of the Pacific asks on its job application form. One of the most common answers, according to spokeswoman Michele Nachum, is: “Because I’m a Pisces.’ ”

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GOING OFF THE DEEP END: Some other unusual responses given by aquarium job applicants when asked:

* “Last job title?”: “Executioner, Druid, Squire,” said one candidate who had worked at Medieval Times restaurant.

* “Description of duties in last job?”: “I already told you,” responded another applicant, “but maybe I wasn’t pacific.”

* “Why do you want to work for the aquarium?”: “Because I have always been fascinated by the Underworld,” answered one job seeker. Another respondent, who had worked for a pest control company, said: “I’m tired of talking about bugs.”

And, finally, there was this memorable response to the “Why should we hire you?” question:

“Tiger Woods was my classmate.”

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NOW FOR A FISH STORY: Anne Olmstead of La Crescenta sees some irony in the fact that Loaves & Fishes, a nonprofit thrift store run by Catholic Charities in Glendale, is being evicted to make room for a glitzy development. The owner of the property told the Glendale News-Press that he wanted to replace Loaves & Fishes with “an upper-crust tenant.”

Commented Olmstead: “Pretty crumby of him, don’t you think?”

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INSIDE STUFF: Just to show you that Only in L.A. is not lacking for content, I bring you some noteworthy ingredients (see accompanying). On a watermelon label, Stan Kelton of Huntington Beach spotted a disclaimer that seems the work of an overcautious attorney.

This approach stood in contrast to the casual list on a Japanese food package sent me several years ago.

And, finally, Ken Lee and several others had their doubts about the description of a rug (you can’t pull the wool over the eyes of readers).

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THE LION WAS BUSY: Mention here of the two young men who sneaked into the now-defunct Marineland on the Palos Verde Peninsula for a midnight swim in 1987 reminded writer Hugh Ryono of a wild tale he once heard.

Legend had it that “a trainer at Marineland made an earlier than normal predawn count of the sea lions in one of the outdoor exhibits and was surprised when he counted an extra animal,” Ryono said. “Thinking that he had just counted wrong, he let it go and went off to complete his rounds. Just before the park opened, he made another count and was reassured to find the correct number of animals.”

But he noticed the same discrepancy the next day. Suspicious, he monitored the pool area the next evening and was stunned to see “a WILD male sea lion make his way up a path from the beach, through the park, and then into the sea lion exhibit.”

There, the intruder had, well, amorous relations with some of the female sea lions (I don’t want to get too pacific, I mean, specific).

“Just before the park opened,” Ryono continued, “he watched the same animal climb out of the exhibit (no easy feat in that the exhibit was considered escape-proof), make his way out of the park, and back into the ocean.”

Note to the security guards at Long Beach’s aquarium: Consider yourselves warned.

miscelLAny:

In the Duh! category, George Merriweather of Ojai received a notice from Blue Cross of California that began:

“Getting Emergency Care . . . If you have a medical emergency, get care immediately.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.