LAUGH LINES

Oscar Hangover: The 71st Academy Awards were held Sunday. “They were finally released after four hours.” (Daily Scoop)

Oscar Hangover, the Sequel: Steven Spielberg won for best director. “He thanked Tom Hanks, who incidentally didn’t have that beard when the night started.” (Daily Scoop)

Oscar Hangover III: Roberto Benigni won two Oscars. “He also won for best use of Dorothy Chandler Pavilion furniture.” (Daily Scoop)

Oscar Hangover, Part Duh: Host Whoopi Goldberg took the stage dressed as royalty and said, “I’m the African queen.” “Dennis Rodman was angry--that’s his line.” (Jerry Perisho)

Party Time: The Democrats have chosen L.A. for their 2000 convention. “It’s the perfect place for a national convention. Angelenos are used to a lot of smoke and hot air.” (Perisho)

End of the Line: Monica Lewinsky attended one of the Oscar parties Sunday after winding up her book tour in England. “There was an embarrassing moment on her last day when someone asked if she wanted to meet the queen, and she said, ‘No thanks, I’ve done enough kneeling before heads of state for one lifetime.’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

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