Lakers Learn the Hard Way: Be Careful What You Ask for

What do you think happened this time, the dog ate his itinerary and he didn’t know what time practice started?

He couldn’t make it back from Las Vegas in time?

If you haven’t noticed, the debate is over. The worst-case scenario has already come true.

Everything Dennis Rodman might have done to disrupt the Lakers, he has done: late arrivals, no-shows, a leave of absence to tend to his personal problems, after which he went to Vegas, then announced upon his return he was only deciding whether he still wanted to play basketball.

How long can the Lakers cover their eyes?

You have to admit, they’re getting good at it. So far, there have been three missed practices, the first two termed “excused”; two refusals to go into games, neither punished; a paid leave of absence; an unannounced fine for delaying his return (Rodman disclosed it was $100 a day) and another unannounced fine for arriving 75 minutes late to Saturday’s practice (maybe they’ll sock him $200!)

There were about five games that Rodman mailed it in while the entire Laker management looked the other way and teammates praised his “leadership.”

There was also Rodman low-bridging Matt Harpring, resulting in a hard fall, and shoving Jason Kidd in the back, while various Lakers complained every time Rodman got a technical foul that he was a “marked man.”

You’ve got to admit, that’s an impressive resume even for Rodman, seeing as how he has been a Laker for only 13 games.

His young teammates have been as easy to distract as they figured to be. Without Rodman, they have no rebounding, no defense, no heart. They campaigned for this, notably Shaquille O’Neal, so they’re as responsible as anyone, except Jerry Buss.

Rodman has already blown his credibility with the entire organization twice, once for putting them on hold for three weeks before coming in, then for deserting them two weeks later.

Both times, he came in and played well . . . briefly. If that’s as long as he can keep it together, the worst-case scenario is true. The Lakers signed the game’s greatest distraction at the lowest ebb of his life and gee, look what happened.

Nor does it figure to turn around. Rodman is volatile enough when his teams win. He’s aware if things go bad, he’ll be blamed. He was moaning about that before he even arrived, at his famous Planet Hollywood news conference.

The Lakers used to think this stuff was beneath them, but that was before they signed Rodman and started making excuses for him and getting snippy with reporters when they asked about him.

So this joke keeps running, like a broken record.

Friday against the Sacramento Kings, Rodman, who had been kept out the first 10 minutes of the fourth quarter, decided he was too stiff when Rambis wanted to put him back in.

Saturday, Rodman arrived late for practice, with his ICM agent, Steve Chasman. They met with Rambis. As if anything Rodman said meant anything. As if Chasman could deliver him. As if anyone can take this charade seriously any more.

As if it isn’t making everyone crazy. Sean Rooks, who has never been a problem, was also excused from practice Saturday for personal reasons, which may or may not have anything to do with the fact that he has been glum since being benched for the last two games.

At this point, one wonders what, if anything, remains of Laker pride.

Buss split for Europe during Rodman’s leave of absence, reportedly exasperated enough with his protege to finally put the matter in Jerry West’s hands, telling West to do whatever he thought best.

West, determined to resolve the situation, wanted a face-to-face meeting before Rodman was reinstated, at which West would insist Rodman get professional help.

West reportedly settled for a telephone meeting, and if he mentioned counseling, it didn’t seem to make much of an impression. Upon his return, Rodman said he’d seen a psychiatrist in Chicago and now had a pretty good idea about himself.

Time to pull the plug? It’s way past time. They never should have put the plug in the socket in the first place.

They asked for it, they’ve got it. Now let’s see if there’s enough left of them to end it.

FACES AND FIGURES

Who says he’s a slow learner? Alonzo Mourning, ejected in another key Miami Heat loss, bristled at criticism: “Man, this talk about me losing it--anyone would get ticked off over a call like that. All this stuff that’s written about me losing it like I’m some kind of mental case or something--anybody in that position, a player of my caliber, in a game of that magnitude, getting his third foul on a mystery call, would be disappointed, outraged, furious with the official. I’ve been in plenty of games where calls were changed. But unfortunately [officials] have the last say. They have all the power.” See? Mourning finally understands how this works and may finally adjust to the obvious. Or maybe not.

A rationalization a day keeps the press at bay: Heat Coach Pat Riley defends Mourning: “The fact that he got thrown out was unfortunate, but I’m not going to make it any bigger than it is. The guy is having an MVP season and I don’t think we should let this get in the way of that.” At least, not until his play falls off.

Madison Square Garden President Dave Checketts, defending his able little coach, Jeff Van Gundy, in semi-ringing terms: “If it were the end of the season, it’s not acceptable. I won’t say I’m not disappointed but I’m a long way from being panicked about it.” Yeah, about six weeks from being panicked about it, which is when the season ends.

Perfect: Minnesota papers reported that Stephon Marbury called Flip Saunders late at night and told his former coach he had made a mistake by demanding a trade. Saunders reportedly told Marbury, “You have six years to think about it.” This was little surprise to people who know Marbury. Or as Steve Aschburner of the Minneapolis Star Tribune put it, “Marbury changes his mind the way some folks change lanes.” Marbury acknowledged calling Saunders but denied saying that.

Oh, yes: The New York Knicks offered Allan Houston or Latrell Sprewell for Marbury but think the fix was in. “There wasn’t anything we weren’t willing to do,” Checketts said. “But there were other forces at play here, particularly David Falk’s representation of [Kerry] Kittles and [Keith] Van Horn [of the New Jersey Nets].”

What’s all the fuss about Scottie Pippen being unhappy? The happiest former Chicago Bulls now might be Michael Jordan and Rodman. Steve Kerr is out of the San Antonio Spurs’ rotation and the Phoenix Suns must be wondering if $6 million a year isn’t a tad high for Luc Longley. “Let’s face it,” Kerr said, “there’s a natural letdown going from the Bulls to any team. We’ve played Houston three times and I’ve seen [Pippen’s] body language. It doesn’t look good. He dumps the ball in the post and runs to the weak side and doesn’t seem real thrilled.”

The Nets’ Jayson Williams, turning down an appearance on David Letterman’s show: “He’s got too much ammunition right now. I got to get more ammunition before I go back out there at 5-20.” Better not hold your breath. The Nets are now 5-23.