A Scandalous L.A. Omission Corrected

When Kevin Mitchell’s “Essential Songwriter’s Rhyming Dictionary” was published in 1997, I thought that a great mystery would be solved: What rhymes with Los Angeles?

Alas, this city’s name was not included in the book, thus further delaying what would be the composition of the first true song about Angeltown. (I don’t count those that rhyme with L.A. or some geographic feature, as in the tender ballad, “I Lost My Liver in the L.A. River”).

Readers, responding to my appeal after the omission, sent me several rhymes. And I pointed out that a 1919 Broadway show (“The Rose of China”) once coupled Los Angeles and man jealous.

Well, the injustice has been more or less rectified. Los Angeles is in the guide’s 1999 edition.

“Obviously, my editors and I were swayed by the passion of your readers,” Mitchell wrote.

The book--which should result in a flood of L.A. songs--matches Los Angeles with romances us, exodus, unscramble us, upper crust, man jealous, unanimous and helluva mess.

Not to mention the always timely scandalous.

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LOST ANGELES: Mitchell’s book, however, omits another rhyme that was contained in an unpublished song I received from a reader. It’s about a man whose musical instrument is lost at LAX.

The title: “Banjo-less in Los Angeles.”

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DOES IRVINE KNOW ABOUT THIS? And the songwriter’s dictionary also excludes orange, which may explain the dearth of songs about a rival of L.A.’s.

Man, Orange County must be jealous.

I’ll award a copy of Mitchell’s book to the reader who fashions the best Orange County lyric.

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I REMEMBER WHEN RECESS WAS MY FAVORITE CLASS: On Teacher’s Day, Lisa Moloney of Lakewood received this written tribute from Alex, a third-grader who is learning English:

“Happy teachers day thank you for teching (sic) me math and english and cookies.”

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THERE COULD BE ONE LURKING IN YOUR HOUSE! John Wade of Newbury Park sent along a guarantee for a flashlight that does not cover attacks by some scary creatures, including those partial to cookies (see accompanying).

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DARING DINING POSSIBILITIES: Diane Duchscher of Manhattan Beach noticed some circular crustaceans that no doubt will be endorsed by Tiger Woods soon. And Ervin During of Downey wondered how much dirty peaches would cost after seeing a special on “clean” ones (see accompanying). The ad was supposed to say cling peaches (another term that’s difficult to rhyme).

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ROSE GARDEN WEST: I haven’t dared go near Barbra Streisand’s estate in Malibu since she blared all that heavy-metal music at her wedding to ward off reporters. So I was scooped by USA Today columnist Jeannie Williams, who reports that on President Clinton’s latest trip here he visited the home of good friend Barbra. They strolled in her garden where, Williams revealed, “Streisand has many rose bushes, including a rose named after her that is going on the market next year.”

Well, you wouldn’t expect a shrinking violet to be named after Babs, would you?

miscelLAny:

On Don Barrett’s laradio.com World Wide Web site, Zack Taylor noted the estimates that the opening of the latest “Star Wars” movie would result in 2 million people calling in sick.

“Sick of the hype,” explained Taylor.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.