SPORTS WEEKEND : WEEK 1 PRIMER / GAME OF THE WEEK : Dislike? They’re Only Warming Up

Notre Dame versus Michigan used to be such a civilized affair, two proud programs with rich histories and rich alums.

What a shame picnic-in-the-park decorum has dissolved into a Jerry Springer food fight.

They meet again Saturday in Ann Arbor amid animus and acrimony.

It was a tough off-season: Notre Dame spent billable hours explaining to the NCAA why it should not face major sanctions for the actions of some Irish players and a female booster generous with her employer’s money, while a few Michigan players spent time seeing how fast they could run through a Kmart check-out line without bothering to pay for merchandise.

You would have thought this would have been enough, but no.

When Notre Dame agreed to play last weekend’s Eddie Robinson Classic against Kansas, Michigan saw it for what it was, a free warmup game the week before the Irish traveled to Ann Arbor for Michigan’s opener.

Some weeks, you need a crowbar to extract quotes from Michigan’s Coach Lloyd Carr, but he’s been Loose Lips Lloyd on this subject.

Why did Notre Dame take the game?

“I assumed they needed the money,” Carr wisecracked at Big Ten media day.

Michigan claims there was a “gentlemen’s agreement” that neither school would schedule an opponent before the opener, which was news to one of the schools.

“There was not one conversation about a verbal agreement,” said Notre Dame Coach Bob Davie, who added that the whole thing “seems a little strange to me.”

The psychological game didn’t end there. Carr, still smarting from last year’s 36-20 season-opening loss at Notre Dame, says he will not announce which quarterback will start until kickoff.

The choices are fifth-year senior Tom Brady and sophomore Drew Henson.

Carr told his team who will start, but told the players not to tell, or else.

Brady is the more experienced player, a guy who threw for 2,636 yards last season. Henson is a superstar-in-waiting but hasn’t proven it yet.

Everyone expects Brady to start and Henson to play.

Oops, secret’s out.

* The line: Michigan by 7 1/2.

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THINGS TO LOOK FOR

1. Tommy Bowden’s opener. Bobby’s boy will turn Clemson around, rest assured, but maybe not this weekend. Ever since he left Tulane for Clemson, Bowden has been dreading this home opener against Marshall. Clemson is expected to beat schools from the Mid-American conference, but Marshall isn’t your typical MAC team. The Thundering Herd finished 12-1 and has quarterback Chad Pennington, a pro prospect who has led Marshall to a 34-6 record in games he has started. All things considered, Bowden would rather have played Akron.

2. Hey, look, get the camera, it’s a superstar high school recruit who didn’t transfer when he wasn’t handed the starting job. Unlike quarterback recruit J.P. Losman, who ding-dong ditched UCLA, freshman Kyle Boller didn’t flinch this week when Cal named Sam Clemons the starter against Rutgers. Boller, some say the best Southern California quarterback prospect since John Elway, will play some Saturday. How good is Boller? Had he gone to Notre Dame, Beano Cook would have predicted three Heismans for the kid.

3. Will news that Miami tailback Najeh Davenport is lost for the season after tearing knee ligaments in the Kickoff Classic hasten the arrival of Jarret Payton, son of Walter? Well, yes and no. Miami actually named another freshman, Clinton Portis, to help fill the void, sharing the backfield spot with James Jackson. Word is, Payton has been slow to grasp the offense, but he could play against Florida A&M.;

4. Lou! Lou! Loser! First-year South Carolina Coach Lou Holtz has a tough opening act Saturday when he takes his Gamecocks to North Carolina State, fresh off last weekend’s upset of Texas. Don’t totally discount the letdown factor, though. Last year, a week after shocking Florida State, North Carolina State went to Baylor and laid an eggo in Waco.

5. It took 70 years to get Kentucky and Louisville to renew their football series in 1994, but now the Hatfields and McCoys are at it again. Louisville Coach John L. Smith said he thinks Kentucky may want to end the series. “You know, they look down their nose at us,” Smith said. “It’s like we’re the redheaded stepchild that comes in.” Kentucky denies it wants to end the series, although the Wildcats did send Cardinal players a couple of cases of sunscreen and freckle cream.

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RATING THE TV GAMES

**** Whoa, Nellie

*** Fix the car tomorrow

** OK to watch golf infomercials

* For WWF scouts only.

** Stanford at Texas, 9 a.m., Channel 7

Game should have a Pac-10 feel with Texas’ two top safeties out with injuries.

** Baylor at Boston College, 9 a.m., ESPN

Baylor is in Texas, BC is in Boston. A bowl of lobster bisque to the first caller who can name the two coaches.

** Georgia Tech at Navy, 9 a.m., FSW

Tech quarterback Joe Hamilton begins Heisman campaign against school with a few portholes on defense.

** West Virginia vs. East Carolina, noon, ESPN2

This game with directional significance was a last-second replacement for Northeastern South Virginia at Southwestern West Carolina.

** Alabama Birmingham at Missouri, 12:30 p.m., FSW2

UAB didn’t even have a program when the decade began. Come to think of it, neither did Missouri.

*** Colorado vs. Colorado State, 4 p.m., FSW

First-year Colorado Coach Gary Barnett discovers this intrastate rivalry has a bit more pizazz than Northwestern-Illinois.

** Wyoming at Tennessee, 4 p.m, ESPN2

Wyoming tries not to look ahead to next week’s home opener against Weber State; Tennessee will be the team wearing orange.

*** South Carolina at North Carolina State, 4:30 p.m., ESPN

Lou Holtz upset when told equipment man forgot to put fresh coat of gold paint on team helmets.

No. 16 Notre Dame at No. 7 Michigan

12:30 p.m., Channel 7