A Week of Ups and Downs

Sunday, 5:30 p.m., ESPN

Every Raider has been counting down the days till this one. All together now: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday . . .

Last Sunday, the Raiders lost to Pittsburgh, 21-20, after losing track of downs on their final drive to the Steeler 41. Thinking it was third down instead of fourth, the Raiders opted for a safe swing pass to fullback Jon Ritchie--which fell incomplete, giving the ball to the Steelers on downs, to the incredulity of every Raider.

The Raiders complained that they had been misled by the Three Rivers Stadium scoreboard, which showed third down instead of fourth, which, if intentional, sounds like a ploy lifted straight from the Al Davis Home-Field Advantage playbook.

Thus ended an extremely bitter affair in Pittsburgh, during which Raider defensive tackle Regan Upshaw reared back and spat into the face of Steeler punter Josh Miller. Upshaw was fined a full week’s pay--$29,411--by the league Thursday, a considerable markup from the $7,500 fine Denver’s Bill Romanowski paid after spitting at J.J. Stokes in 1997. That’s because the NFL Competition Committee last off-season approved harsher sanctions for spitting, choking and gouging--also known as the Oakland Raider Rules. The line: Oakland by 3 1/2.

AND THE CRY GOES UP FROM THE BARTENDER: ‘INCOMING!’

Tampa Bay (8-5) at Miami (10-3), 10 a.m., Channel 11: Now that the Buccaneers have turned the forward pass into a catch-your-breath break for running back Warrick Dunn, wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson, the highest-paid decoy in NFL history, has decided to go along with the program. “Tell ‘em they can go to South Beach and hang out, because we don’t throw,” Johnson deadpanned, referring to Miami’s defensive backs. Some of them are already there, waiting for Shaun King’s first down-and-out. The line: Miami by 2 1/2.

RAMS SHOULD BE RETURNING MANY KICKOFFS

Minnesota (11-2) at St. Louis (8-5), 1:15 p.m., Channel 11: At 6-0 back in October, the Rams were thinking about another move, en masse, to Canton. Now, they’re 8-5 and going nowhere so fast, Coach Mike Martz is thinking about using crown jewel Marshall Faulk on kick returns. “If the game’s on the line, I’ll do that,” Martz said. “If I need him back there to win it, we’ll do that.” OK, now: Daunte Culpepper, Randy Moss, Cris Carter and Robert Smith vs. the Ram defense. On second thought, Marshall, no need to bother. The line: St. Louis by 3 1/2.

TALKIN’ ABOUT HIS GENERATION

New Orleans (8-5) at San Francisco (5-8), 1:15 p.m.: Jerry Rice said he felt like a rock star last Sunday when taking the 49ers’ No Sleep Till The Playoffs tour to San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium and being welcomed by chants of “Jerry! Jerry!” and fans wearing replicas of Rice’s No. 80 jersey. “I don’t know, man,” an appreciative Rice said, “I feel like some kind of rock star, coming into an opponent’s stadium and getting all that adulation.” Pete Townshend could have told him: That’s what happens when you don’t die before you get old. The line: San Francisco by 3.

HOW ABOUT COACHES FROM THE STATE OF IDAHO?

San Diego (1-12) at Baltimore (9-4), 10 a.m.: Oregon State’s Dennis Erickson said no. Oregon’s Mike Bellotti said no. Having limited his search exclusively to men who have coached college football in Oregon, USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett is down to the next name on his list, former Oregon State and former winning coach Mike Riley, now shackled to the ball-and-chain Chargers. So far, the Chargers don’t seem eager to let Riley out of his contract. Who’s next on that list? Let’s see: Rich Brooks . . . John McKay . . . The line: Baltimore by 14.

THEY’RE THINKING OF CHANGING THEIR NAME TO ‘FALCON’

Cincinnati (3-10) at Tennessee (10-3), 10 a.m.: Scott Mitchell and Dick LeBeau don’t have it that hard. They’re Bengals only for a very short time, then they move on. But what about the Bengal family of greater Cincinnati, folks who were born with the name and will always be Bengals? “I’m not going to let it ruin my day or my life,” Stephen F. Bengal told the Cincinnati Enquirer. But Chris Bengal said he and his mother, Mary Lou Bengal, joked about phoning a TV sport show and threatening a lawsuit because “they were really cracking on the Bengals.” Next, the Enquirer talks to everyone in Cleveland named Brown. The line: Tennessee by 13.

WAYNE FONTES WAS BIG IN JAPAN

Detroit (8-5) at Green Bay (6-7), 10 a.m.: To an outsider, the Lions’ proposed move out of Pontiac sounds like a good deal for Pontiac. But a 3-1 run under Gary Moeller has clouded the thinking there and the city is suing the Lions to keep them from breaking their lease, which runs through 2005. According to the suit, “The premature loss of the Lions will have a devastating effect on the viability of the city, including loss of . . . esteem and standing in Michigan as well as nationally and internationally.” Of course. Mention Pontiac to someone in Tokyo and he’ll say, “Oh, yes. Home of many first-round playoff defeats.” The line: Green Bay by 3 1/2.

BUT THEY BEAT ‘ALLY McBEAL’ BY HALF A POINT

Carolina (6-7) at Kansas City (5-8), 10 a.m.: Two weeks ago, CBS pulled the plug on the Chiefs, blacking out the final 90 seconds of Kansas City’s 17-16 loss to San Diego. Eight days later, ABC drew a 9.9 national rating for the Chiefs-Patriots telecast, the second-smallest audience in the history of “Monday Night Football.” If the Chiefs were a TV sitcom, they’d have been canceled weeks ago. Then again, looking things over, maybe they are, and maybe they were. The line: Kansas City by 2 1/2.

THIS COULD BE THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP

Washington (7-6) at Dallas (4-9), 1:15 p.m.: Four days on the job and interim Redskin Coach Terry Robiskie is learning fast. “Mr. Snyder owns this football team. I know that,” Robiskie says. “I promise you there’s very few things in the building I’m going to say I want to change without calling him to say I want to change it. If I wanted to change my desk, I’m going to call him and say I want to change my desk. If I want to change quarterbacks, I’m going to call him and say, ‘What do you think of me changing quarterbacks?’ It’s his football team.” Translation: Snyder has decided to change quarterbacks. The line: Washington by 6.

CHANT GOES UP FROM DAWG POUND: ‘OTTO! OTTO!’

Philadelphia (9-5) at Cleveland (3-11), 10 a.m.: Otto Graham turned 79 on Wednesday, sparking another quarterback controversy in Cleveland. Last week, while the Browns were losing, 48-0, to Jacksonville, Graham out-gained Spergon Wynn by nine yards through the air. Final game totals: Graham, 0 yards passing; Wynn, minus-nine yards passing. The line: Philadelphia by 14.

HE’D BE THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE XFL

Seattle (5-8) at Denver (9-4), 1 p.m., Channel 2: The problem in Seattle, of course, is the draft. Last April, the Seahawks burned a fourth-round choice on a Harvard man, a linebacker named Isaiah Kacyvenski, only to find out this Ivy Leaguer is a raging WWF fan with designs on a pro wrestling career after football. “It’d be something fun to do,” Kacyvenski told the Seattle Times. OK, Isaiah, let’s get you started on the basics right now: This Sunday, you will lose to the Broncos. Understand? The line: Denver by 10.

NOLL NEVER SAID THAT ABOUT BRADSHAW

Pittsburgh (7-6) at New York Giants (9-4), 10 a.m.: How excited were the Steelers by Kordell Stewart’s turnover-free performance last week against Oakland? “He took a major hurdle,” Pittsburgh Coach Bill Cowher said of Stewart. “He legitimately had players wanting him on the field.” And some of them were even Steelers. The line: Giants by 3 1/2.

THE MAN WHO WOULD BE BOOED

New England (4-9) at Chicago (3-10), 10 a.m.: In an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times, the Bears’ Cade McNown likened his brief and rocky NFL career to “that movie, ‘The Man Who Would Be King.’ Sean Connery and Michael Caine vow they’ll remain celibate until they reach their destination. Then there’s a girl, and one of them is getting close to her, and then somebody says, ‘Come, let us seek safety in battle.’ ” Or in the Playboy mansion, whichever comes first. The line: Chicago by 2.

BEATING THE BENGALS, THAT WOULD BE ANOTHER

Arizona (3-10) at Jacksonville (6-7), 10 a.m.: The quickest way to a head-coaching job at a major college football program? Lose as many games as you can in the NFL. Mike Riley and Norv Turner are hot prospects at USC and Arizona’s Dave McGinnis was rumored to be a leading candidate for the vacancy at Texas Christian, his alma mater. McGinnis told reporters that he wasn’t interested, saying, “I have other things I want to do with my career.” Among them: Winning a second game with the Cardinals. The line: Jacksonville by 15 1/2.

‘ALLY McBEAL’ READIES FOR ROUSING COMEBACK

Buffalo (7-6) at Indianapolis (7-6), Monday, 6 p.m., Channel 7: Another less-than-we-bargained-for matchup for ABC, assuming the Colts and the Bills agree to show their faces in public. Asked if he was “a little embarrassed” by the Bills’ 33-6 home loss to Miami, Buffalo defensive end Marcellus Wiley replied, “A little embarrassed? No, that was a lot embarrassing, and that’s not even good English. It was ridiculous. If we don’t respond to this in a positive way, it could get real ugly around here.” Take it away, Al-beeno! The line: Indianapolis by 6.