Forward or Lateral, NFL Goes in All Directions

The high points, low points and ticklish talking points of the weekend that was:

If I’m a Buffalo Bill fan, I’m wondering about all sorts of things after this frightful, fateful football weekend.

* How long did it take for the Oakland Raiders to get over “the Immaculate Reception” or Stanford to get past California’s run through the Cardinal band?

* How about . . . forever?

* Shaky call or not (and face it, replays of Tennessee’s kickoff return weren’t definitive), how is it possible that a 20-yard lateral by a tight end outsmarted a coverage team that should’ve expected it?

* Wasn’t it brilliant how Bill Coach Wade Phillips, probably with pressure from owner Ralph Wilson, maneuvered a great quarterbacking situation to a place where there’s suddenly vastly diminished enthusiasm and security for Rob Johnson, Doug Flutie and Phillips himself heading into next season?

* Wilson kills instant-replay at the league meetings, and that satisfies . . . nothing, right?

If I’m a Titan fan, I’m ignoring some things.

* Roller-coaster quarterback Steve McNair produced a total of one more passing yard than Kevin Dyson gained on the final kickoff return.

* That kickoff play probably will be covered next time, you think?

If I’m a Jacksonville fan, I’m happy about several things.

* Titan defensive end Jevon Kearse will be chasing Peyton Manning, not Mark Brunell; Miami beat Seattle because Dan Marino went without an interception, and I’ll bet he can’t do that two weeks in a row; and Brunell is much, much better than Jon Kitna.

If I’m a Minnesota Viking fan, I’m not sure about some things.

* Running back Robert Smith was great against Dallas, but he can disappear faster than any other quality back.

* Troy Aikman seemed to have plenty of receivers free against the Vikings, and if that happens against St. Louis, that’s about five touchdown passes.

If I’m a Dallas Cowboy fan, I’m actually relieved about something.

* The Vikings put an end to the long painful season, and Jerry Jones is not likely to dawdle in mediocrity.

If I’m a New York Jet fan, I’m dizzy about . . . everything.

THE BIG PICTURE

Vagabonds, that’s what’s left--renamed, relocated, reborn franchises vying for the big crown.

Let’s assume the Washington Redskins and Miami Dolphins won’t quite make it to the Super Bowl, which is fairly safe unless you are Daniel Snyder or Jimmy Johnson or anybody standing within earshot of them.

That means, of the six real Super Bowl contenders still surviving, none have a Super Bowl victory among them in their current incarnations.

The breakdown:

* The Colts, of course, won Super Bowl V, but that was before fleeing to Indianapolis in 1984, and they haven’t been back.

* The Rams didn’t win one when they were in L.A., or in Anaheim, and hadn’t before been in the playoffs since moving to St. Louis in 1995.

Bonus: They’re quarterbacked by previously unknown and much-traveled multi-league veteran, Kurt Warner.

* The Minnesota Vikings, who haven’t moved, but have lost four Super Bowls.

Bonus: They’re quarterbacked by the ultimate-vagabond quarterback, Jeff George, who attended three colleges and played for three previous NFL teams, each tenure ending in failure and recriminations.

* The Tennessee Titans, who were the Houston Oilers until 1998, and then the Tennessee Oilers for a season, played in three different area stadiums until opening Adelphia Coliseum this season.

* And, as a perfect topper to the transient nature of these NFL times, let’s close with the two Florida newcomers, 1976 expansioners Tampa Bay and 1995 expansioners Jacksonville.

WEEKEND TALKING POINTS

1. Ted Turner and Jane Fonda separate: And a sports-media conglomerate shakes at its very foundation. I’m talking about Jane’s fitness video business, of course.

2. John Rocker, ordered to undergo psychological testing: Best part of it, the therapy takes place on a New York City subway train.

3. The return: Phil Luckett was the referee and Adelphia Coliseum was the site for the Titan miracle victory. So I’m calling it “The Phil-Adelphia Story.”

4. Bill Belichick: His rambling, loopy news conference to explain his one-day Jet coaching tenure was perfect audition--if he wants to replace Mike Ditka.

5. Washington Wizards: They lost back-to-back games to the Chicago Bulls, and now are gunning for a home-and-home with Towson University.

6. USC sweeps the Washington schools: Now comes Wednesday’s teeny-weeny game against those superlative, overachieving, well-disciplined UCLA Bruins. Henry Bibby, this is the biggest regular-season game of your Trojan life.

7. Arizona beats No. 1 Stanford: The Cardinal is huge and deep, but, as always, can be beat by quickness and hot shooting.

8. Eddie House, 61 points: Arizona State guard ties Lew Alcindor’s single-game conference scoring record. I still don’t know why that Alcindor guy never did much as a pro, though.

9. Baseball Hall of Fame election: Call it the “plaque test,” which has nothing to do with dentistry but everything to do with envisioning which candidates look right on a Hall plaque. This year, it’s Carlton Fisk, Rich Gossage and Tony Perez--not Bruce Sutter, Keith Hernandez or Dale Murphy.

10. Former Ranger managing partner George W. Bush admits trading Sammy Sosa was his biggest mistake: So that means Fred Claire or Tom Lasorda or whoever it was who traded Pedro Martinez can still run for president?

LEADING QUESTIONS

So who loses first, Tiger Woods or the Lakers?

Dare you think the unthinkable, that if the Lakers make it through this week--home game against Denver and a trip to Milwaukee, Indianapolis and Minnesota--they might run the table in January?

Did you know that if they get through the Indiana game on Friday, that’d be 17 in a row, the second-longest win streak in franchise history, trailing, of course, only the NBA-record of 33 set by the legendary 1971-72 team?

And if Tiger keeps on winning? Who’s to say he just won’t scoop up everything once he gets to California and then roll to Augusta National and win that by 20 strokes or so?

Who’s stopping him?