Any Given Super Bowl Sunday

We go to sports bars to remind ourselves that on Sundays, while watching football, it is occasionally acceptable to sit upright.

We go to reaffirm that on Sundays, while watching football, it is occasionally important to speak polysyllabically.

We go because if we drool a little while dozing, there are plenty of little square napkins around to mop it up, and that eliminates wear and tear on that doily thing we left back home on the armrest of the couch.

Right there, three good reasons--anthropological, linguistic and, oh, ecological--to rise up off the sofa, to rejoin society, to reestablish our dignity . . . then to rush down to Hooters to see the game.

Super Bowls come and go, going on XXXIV of them now. The games usually stink, and the stadiums are filled with corporate suits, and the pregame shows are only a little shorter than Ram Coach Dick Vermeil’s last crying jag.

Some people can easily remember where they were when John Elway went out a winner (on the couch), when Phil Simms was nearly perfect (on the couch), when Joe Namath became a legend (on the couch) . . .

Others pack the sports bars. For some reason, nothing seems to bid farewell to football season like ordering two beers at a time, assuming it’ll be 90 minutes before you see another waitress.

Sports bars bring us together with people who wear blocks of cheese on their heads, with people who spell J-E-T-S at the tops of their lungs, as if the rest of us didn’t know how, and with people half a drink away from throttling the jerk with the orange face paint, on principle alone.

The men are even worse.

There are a couple of things to remember, tenets you may call sports bar etiquette, if you can get past the contradiction.

For one, no man should hum along with the halftime show--and should not, under any circumstances, air-guitar to it. It geeks everybody out.

It is uncivilized to hurl objects both heavy and sharp in the direction of TV color commentator Dan Dierdorf, no matter how freeing, if a meaty, no-necked bouncer says not to.

Refrain from screaming players’ first names at the television screen. You don’t know them, and they laugh at the idea of you wearing their name across the back of your shirt.

Above all, sit up straight. It’s the Super Bowl, for crying out loud.

Here, then, is a list of possible destinations:

National Sports Bar and Grill

450 N. State College Blvd., Orange. (714) 935-0300. (Other National locations: Santa Ana, Buena Park, Fullerton, Torrance and West Covina.)

The people who rank such things rate the National among the best sports bars in the county.

It is across the street from Edison Field, where the Angels play, and therefore is a frequent postgame stop for the out-of-town ballplayer looking to sate his good cheer with a beer and a game of pool.

There will be giveaways, contests and a pool tournament during the Super Bowl, and someone will win a football autographed by St. Louis Rams running back Marshall Faulk.

The National has four big-screen televisions, and many others, so the viewing options are plentiful.

Try the Home Run Sampler, the appetizer assortment of wings, taquitos, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, French fries and tortilla strips.

Trophies

4221 Dolphin Striker Way, Newport Beach. (949) 756-8800.

As sports bars go, this is your upscale choice.

“Very upscale,” corrected Dave McGee, a heavily titled employee of Trophies’ parent company.

OK, very upscale, then. And a little haughty.

Business must be good, since McGee barely could be bothered to reveal the events of the big day--and never did come down off his speakerphone.

So don’t plan on throwing your peanut shells on the floor here.

Still, the halftime giveaways feature a compact stereo system as the grand prize. The doors open at noon to a pregame brunch with champagne and Bloody Mary specials.

Seating is first-come, first-served.

“They come for the sports, and they stay for the food,” McGee offered cheerfully.

Sounds like a good slogan for Anaheim’s Edison Field.

Don’t miss the freshly tossed salads and wood-fired pizzas.

Sports Time Pizza

34320 Pacific Coast Highway. Dana Point. (949) 496-0119.

The anti-Trophies.

Owner Mark Karoub’s place has neon beer signs and baseball and softball plaques on the walls, and seven television sets in the main dining room, including two big-screens.

This will be a low-key experience, a football game accompanied by pizza and beer.

“And cheap,” Karoub said.

A schooner of beer will go for $3, a pitcher for $5.50. Karoub plans happy-hour prices for the game and a 10% discount on everything else.

There is no cover charge.

“We’re a pizza place,” Karoub said. “The doors are open.”

There is a video-game room for the kids. And, if you feel you have to throw peanut shells on the floor, Karoub might be talked into it.

“We’re very casual,” he said.

Munch down on pizza, or the meatball and pastrami sandwiches.

“I don’t do gourmet,” Karoub said.

DP’s

3110 Newport Blvd. Newport Beach. (949) 723-0293.

New owner Rudy Kaminski is trying to get the Bud girls or the Miller girls to come over for the Super Bowl.

Soon to change its name to Rudy’s, the restaurant has 33 television sets, or one for every Super Bowl played, so there are no obstructed sight lines, assuming those pesky Bud girls aren’t up and prancing around during the game.

A segment of fans who forgave the Rams for moving have made their home at DP’s, which could make for a raucous time. The regulars enjoy the homey atmosphere, with its many photographs of local sports figures on the walls.

“Anyone can come in here,” Kaminski said. “From the guy straight off the beach in sandals and a swimsuit to the businessman just off work coming in with the suit and tie on. It’s very easygoing, very friendly.”

Try the chicken wings, hot or teriyaki-style.

Hooters

2406 Newport Blvd. Balboa Peninsula. (949) 723-5800.

You have to appreciate a guy who knows his business, Super Bowl Sunday or otherwise.

“All the football days are good for us,” Hooters general manager Jim Richardson said. “Where’s a better place to be than with Hooter girls and football and beer?”

It’s dadgum American.

Oh, there’ll be giveaways and raffles of Super Bowl wear and autographed paraphernalia. But, when it comes right down to it, who really needs to see another T-shirt?

This Hooters has two stories, with a big-screen television on the main floor and 12 smaller TVs scattered throughout. It is across the street from the beach, and the large rear windows offer a view of passing yachts and perfect palm trees.

The coolest thing about the bar?

“The girls,” Richardson said.

The reason the regulars come back?

“The girls,” he repeated.

At halftime, Hooters will host an eating contest of its spiciest wings. All the folks sitrting at the winner’s table will eat and drink for free.

Sample the Buffalo wings. They come in mild, medium and hot, along with the nuclear three-mile and the meltdown-at-the-core six-mile varieties.

El Tapatio Grill

3700 W. Warner Ave., Santa Ana. (714) 444-2540.

A joint known for its plentiful and vocal Ram fans, El Tapatio is an airy alternative to the brooding decor of some other sports bars.

For one, it has a dance floor.

So if some television mope shrieks after the Super Bowl that there is dancing in the streets of Santa Ana, then maybe somebody left the emergency exit open at El Tapatio.

Or they’re just shaking off the effects of the buffet.

“There’s no place in Santa Ana like my place,” owner Victory Ibarra said. “It’s not a hole in the wall.”

Ibarra lays out the taquitos, the enchiladas, the carnitas, the seafood, then stands back. He’ll feed at least 300 on Super Bowl Sunday.

“They have a good time,” Ibarra said. “They scream. They go crazy.”

They dance in the streets.

They eat carne asada.

Silky Sullivans Restaurant and Irish Pub

10201 Slater Ave., Fountain Valley. (714) 963-2718.

Silky Sullivan was a California thoroughbred who once lost by a nose after making up 40 lengths.

So it was an event not unlike a lot of Super Bowls, except for the part about the near comeback.

In that vein, Silky’s does the traditional Super Bowl celebration, with dishes named after Super Bowl participants (Eddie George Nachos, and the Tennessee Titan iced tea are early possibilities), free drawings, reduced prices on pints and pitchers of beer and a free Super Bowl pool.

“A legal one, obviously,” manager Rob Robertson stressed.

This is the 16th Super Bowl party at Silky’s, a remodeled post office where the green wallpaper, green carpeting and heavy oak trim make for a heavy Irish flavor.

“It’s always a pretty good party,” Robertson said.

Especially if you’re digging into the Irish sundae. It’s a massive baked potato stuffed with prime rib, mushrooms, sour cream and chives.