Nostalgic for the Rams? Nahhhhh

Maybe we were the problem. Maybe the reason the Rams never won a Super Bowl was us. Maybe we never gave the Rams a real home-field advantage. Maybe we didn’t cheer the same way St. Louis’ football fans cheer. Maybe we were too quiet, too laid-back, too sophisticated, too sober, too fussy, too weird, too Hollywood, too something.

Maybe we didn’t give the Rams enough of the old rah-rah. Maybe we never met their emotional needs. Maybe we would still have the Rams playing for us here had we given them our unconditional love. Maybe we should have paid more money to see them play, no matter how many footballs they fumbled, no matter how many passes from their quarterbacks came close to decapitating a referee.

Maybe it serves us right that the Rams are playing for a Super Bowl championship. Maybe they understand that too many of us don’t really care about having pro football here, that we have swimming and jogging, so who needs football? Maybe deep down inside no Ram was ever able to put his heart into his work because, gosh darn it, he knew Southern California couldn’t return his love.

Maybe today we should all sit in front of our televisions and root for the Rams louder than we ever rooted before, rather than throwing wadded-up bags of tortilla chips at our screens. Maybe we should demonstrate sportsmanlike conduct and offer our very best wishes to Georgia Frontiere as the Rams’ owner, like a blond Vince Lombardi, leads her lads into battle. Maybe we should shed a few tender teardrops at the memory of our beloved boys with the horns on their helmets.

Maybe we should pull for our Rams today to trample those Tennessee Titans and win one for all of us here in the Land Without Pro Football who want to wish our wonderful old football team all the luck in the world!

Nahhhhh.

*

It’s just another team now, just another game. Brooklyn doesn’t cheer for the Dodgers anymore. Minneapolis doesn’t cheer for the Lakers. Is it better to have loved a team and lost it than never to have loved at all? Not necessarily.

There are scattered individuals here who continue to look upon the Rams as their team, which is fine. A dog can run away from home and still technically be your dog.

But a team isn’t truly your team if it is having a home game and you need to fly TWA to get there. Your team is your team when it brings home a big trophy, you have a parade and your mayor gets to win a wager with the losing team’s mayor. Your child shouldn’t sit home in Santa Ana or San Clemente screaming, “We won! St. Louis won!”

Fact of the matter is, the worst thing about the Rams’ moving to Missouri is that it means the Super Bowl won’t be played in Southern California from now on, inasmuch as the NFL is not inclined to reward the Rose Bowl or the Coliseum with riches when the local population has pretty much told the whole league to take a hike.

The Super Bowl was born here. The very first one was played in the Coliseum, once it finally occurred to the league’s officials that their championship--unlike baseball’s or basketball’s--should be decided on a neutral field. It occurred to them after visiting players in Green Bay, Wis., complained about not being able to play to 100% of their abilities due to having lost six to eight fingers from frostbite.

The league rotated the Super Bowl to warm-weather areas, usually California, Florida and New Orleans. The best by far was New Orleans. For one thing, everybody ate great. For another, it was virtually guaranteed that the hometown New Orleans Saints would never end up directly involved in the game. This is because even though it remains in the NFL, the New Orleans team traditionally plays on a skill level on par with a community college.

*

In the press box, it was once proposed that New Orleans was such a perfect place, all sporting events should be held there. Wimbledon, the Masters, the Boston Marathon . . . you name it. Hold it in New Orleans. For example, New Orleans struck everyone as an ideal site for the Tour de France bicycle race. Among other things, you wouldn’t have to fly all the way to France.

Today’s game is in Atlanta, where snow is in the forecast and the temperature may be in the 20s. Of course the game will be played indoors. You know the old saying--there is nothing like a game of indoor football in Atlanta between Tennessee and St. Louis to make you tingle over the traditions of pro football.

Eighteen years ago, a Super Bowl game was played--for the only time--in suburban Detroit, where the weather made Atlanta’s look like Tahiti’s. The temperatures were subzero. Cars wouldn’t start. It snowed. Indoors, though, the game was won by a team called the San Francisco 49ers, which had never won a Super Bowl before.

Maybe the Rams will become the next 49ers. Maybe they will win multiple Super Bowls. Maybe they’ll even become America’s favorite team!

Nahhhhh.

*

Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to him at Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com.