Forget Jordan! NBA Finds Its Glamour Team

To: David Stern, NBA Commissioner

Re: Fan Interest

Dear Dave,

Your worries are over.

Remember all that hand wringing you did about the future of the NBA? Who would take Michael Jordan’s place? How could you follow that act? Would any team ever stir as much rock ‘n’ roll interest as the Chicago Bulls?

Done deal. It’s already clear that the Lakers can do to the Bulls what Elvis did to Pat Boone.

Let me say this right here: The Lakers will be bigger than the Bulls in about the time it takes Nike to film a commercial. As soon as they win this championship--and unless Shaq breaks both legs, both arms and the team plane, that’s a foregone conclusion--the marketing, movie-casting and other star-making forces will jump so hard on this bandwagon, the wheels will disappear into the dirt.

You thought Chicago had a following? Break it down. The Bulls had one action hero (Jordan), one cartoon character (Dennis Rodman) and one stoic who was only big because of Jordan’s spotlight (Scottie Pippen)--plus a cast of chorus-liners that could have been anywhere, and after Jordan left, quickly were.

The Lakers? They already have an action hero (Kobe Bryant), a cartoon character (Shaquille O’Neal), a stoic (A.C. Green, who I believe is still abstaining from sex, which may explain the very serious look on his face).

They also have a gunner (Glen Rice), a wily veteran (Ron Harper) and a GQ cover model (Rick Fox, who is married to former Miss America Vanessa Williams.

And that crowd? It has more Hollywood stars than brunch in Santa Monica. We never said that in Chicago. Who came to a Bulls game? Bill Murray? And half the time, he doesn’t even look like Bill Murray.