Top 25 College Basketball

No. School (Record): Comment

1. Cincinnati (28-2): Thanks a load, Stanford.

2. Stanford (25-2): Remember when losing to UCLA was no big deal?

3. Duke (24-4): Cleared for NCAA takeoff now that Dunleavy is cleared to play.

4. Ohio State (22-5): Hey, Spartans, let’s flip for the last No. 1 seeding.

5. Michigan State (23-7): OK, heads we win, tails you lose.

6. Oklahoma State (23-5): Rankings ethics panel demands to know why school is rated this high.

7. Arizona (24-6): Playing Stanford without Woods tonight could be a backbreaker.

8. Iowa State (26-4): Team has only twice as many losses as star player has kids.

9. Temple (23-5): Chaney unleashes matchup zone defense on NCAA investigators.

10. Florida (23-6): Could win tournament if all games were played in Gainesville.

11. Louisiana State (25-4): Young, hipster kids still recovering from Phat Tuesday.

12. Indiana (20-7): Bottom line, Bob: you finished fifth in Big Ten.

13. Tennessee (24-5): Gore assured team won’t play (Buddhist) Temple in tournament.

14. Tulsa (27-3): Yeah, a great year, but you still live in Tulsa.

15. Syracuse (24-4): Kudos to all who noticed last week’s omission. Now, get a life.

16. Maryland (22-8): Gary Williams’ NCAA caffeine shipment due any day now.

17. Kentucky (22-8): School receives coaching resume from Boston-area ZIP code.

18. St. John’s (21-7): Coach/crusader should enter soap box derby.

19. Texas (21-7): Bush thinks team can carry state in NCAA primary.

20. Oklahoma (24-5): School increases ticket prices to $2 a gallon.

21. Kansas (22-8): This year’s tournament sleeper. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.

22. Connecticut (22-8): Maybe there’s life yet left in this ol’ NCAA nag.

23. Purdue (21-8): School orders 10,000 Gene Keady masks to scare tournament opponents.

24. Fresno State (21-9): Why is the tournament selection committee reviewing old hot tub photos?

25. Gonzaga (24-8): ‘Zags dominated powerhouse UCLA, right, which beat No. 1 Stanford, right?