Cowboys Already on the Ropes

How ‘bout them Cowboys!

Let’s see, a ninth career concussion for Troy Aikman, a season-ending knee injury for Joey Galloway, a thumb injury for backup quarterback Randall Cunningham, the possibility of having to start rookie quarterback Clint Stoerner in Week 2.

It doesn’t look as if we’ll see much of Jerry Jones on the Cowboy sideline this season.

THE GOOD DOCTOR

Of course, Jones won’t be kept from his appointed rounds as team doctor.

Monday, Dr. Jones made these observations:

On Galloway: “The good news is he’s repaired and rehabbed in ACL before.”

Yep Jerry, that’s what you want on your $42-million investment--a receiver who leads the league in ACL rehab.

On Aikman: “His test at the hospital would allow him to be considered day-by-day. He’ll be monitored closely.”

Hopefully by someone other than Jones.

Remember, he’s not a real doctor, he just plays one at news conferences.

SNOOZE CONTROL

The only team that seems to be in more of a mess than the Cowboys is the Cardinals. No Simeon Rice or Andre Wadsworth to detour opponents on their expressway to the Cardinal end zone. No Rob Moore to flag down those high and outside floaters delivered by Jake Plummer. The possibility of L.J. Shelton not being around to keep defenders off Plummer before he delivers those floaters.

It’s fitting that the Cowboys and Cardinals should meet in Week 2, a Sunday night extravaganza in which the theme from “St. Elsewhere” should be played instead of the National Anthem.

You can hear the ESPN promo now: “This week on Sunday Night Football, it’s . . . ‘The Replacements.’ ”

Don’t stay tuned.

MONEY TO BURN

Jones must be green with envy, his team going down the tubes while Daniel Snyder gets all the media attention with his Red$kin$.

This weekend’s signing of Stephen Davis brought the Redskin payroll close to the national debt. Maybe Snyder can spare Jones a nickel back.

JUST PLAY UGLY, BABY

Attention Vince McMahon. Please do not script your XFL games as the Chargers and Raiders did for their 9-6 debacle.

Hey, those old “Battle of the Network Stars” Tug-O-Wars were more exciting than watching those teams smash-mouthing it off at midfield.

Also Vince, you can have dibs on Ryan Leaf.

QUICK HITS

* Three Rivers Stadium is scheduled to be demolished after the season, but errant passes by Kent Graham and Kordell Stewart may finish the job early.

* It was painful to watch Brett Favre trying to rally the Packers at Lambeau Field, but as Mike Holmgren can tell you, having Favre with about half his usual arm strength is better than having Jon Kitna with full arm strength.

* The air has already been let out of Steve McNair.

* Jamal Anderson may have lost his “Dirty Bird” step, but he took a licking and kept on ticking in his first extensive duty since tearing up a knee in Week 2 last season.

* Vinny Testaverde had just as much success converting third downs with his Smurfs II receiving corps as he did with that gangly “Just Give Me the Damn Ball” fellow.

* How long do you think it will be before Cris Carter and Randy Moss tell “Touchdown” Daunte Culpepper to give them the damn ball?

LAST THOUGHT

If Chris Chandler can lead a team to the Super Bowl, then why can’t Donovan McNabb do the same for the Eagles?