NFL Is Becoming the No Fun League

There is no joy in dullville.

Mighty Tagliabue has struck it out.

While grappling with the rash of off-the-field crimes that have left a stain on the league and the string of on-the-field injuries that have left many stars on the sidelines, NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue has still found the time to crack down on a really serious problem: fun.

Maybe Vince McMahon is onto something when he promises his new XFL will reinvigorate pro football with spirit and exhilaration. Are those becoming dirty words in the NFL, where spirit comes with a warning label and exhilaration comes with the risk of a fine?

Case in point: The league’s crackdown on the St. Louis Rams’ latest touchdown celebration.

The “Duck Down,” in which players squat Spiderman-style on the field after scoring, lasted exactly one game.

The NFL fathers, showing an inexplicable desire to squeeze color and enthusiasm out of the game, passed yet another rule in March against orchestrated group celebrations.

And enforced it Sunday.

A few days before playing the Seattle Seahawks, the Rams were warned not to go into their Spiderman act. So, they simply flipped the ball to an official after scoring.

And wasn’t that an exciting victory?

“It’s crushing us a little bit that they’re taking away our dances and everything,” St. Louis wide receiver Torry Holt said. “But we’ll keep it classy.”

It was Holt who dreamed up last year’s touchdown celebration, known as the “Bob ‘n Weave.”

He and his teammates feel the NFL was singling out the Rams when it passed the new rule.

“Before we started doing our thing, everybody was doing their thing,” Holt said. “And now that we’re doing our thing, it’s a problem and I can’t understand it.”

It is rather difficult to comprehend. The league charges hefty prices for tickets, brings in millions from television to show its games and then tries to stifle the kind of exuberance that makes fans and viewers feel their time and investment has been rewarded with the chance to vicariously celebrate the success of their favorite team.

What’s next, a prohibition against celebrating in the stands, followed by an advisory that this type of behavior should also not be attempted at home?

The fans buy the concessions and the souvenirs at the games and watch the commercials on television. In exchange, they like to have some fun, a concept that seems to have been forgotten.

Tagliabue has an ally in the Rams’ coach.

“I don’t like that stuff,” said Mike Martz of the team celebrations. “I’d just as soon you hand [the ball] back to the official and get back in the huddle and let’s go again.”

Coaches are expected to think like that. To them, this is a serious business where their livelihoods are constantly at stake. But commissioners are supposed to see the bigger picture.

If there are fears that celebrations will cause problems with resentful players on the other team, crack down on the resentful players.

Don’t crack down on the fans.

ONE LUCKY GUY

Denver Bronco Coach Mike Shanahan must be the luckiest guy in the world.

Quarterback John Elway retires and along comes Brian Griese, who has become one of the hottest young quarterbacks in the league.

The Broncos lost Terrell Davis, their 2,000 yards-plus rusher, last season because of a knee injury and come up with Olandis Gary, who rushed for 1,159 yards.

Last Sunday, with Gary out for the year because of a knee injury and Davis sidelined because of a sprained ankle, Shanahan gave the ball to unheralded Mike Anderson. He ran for 131 yards and two touchdowns in Denver’s 42-14 victory over the Atlanta Falcons.

Luck, of course, has nothing to do with it.

Shanahan is simply a brilliant coach, arguably the best in the game today. Raider owner Al Davis couldn’t see that, which was lucky for the Broncos.

Shanahan was hired to coach the then-Los Angeles Raiders in 1988 but lasted only a season and a half because Davis’ ego kept him from giving Shanahan the control he needed to turn around a floundering franchise.

Shanahan went on to success in San Francisco, where he was offensive coordinator of a Super Bowl-winning 49er team before leading the Broncos to two Super Bowl titles.

Think winning a Super Bowl isn’t that hard with Elway at the controls?

Remember Dan Reeves and then think again.

It was Shanahan who came in after Reeves was unable to work with Elway, revamped the offense, inspired Elway and walked away with two Super Bowl rings.

Now comes Griese, lucky to be learning his craft under the luckiest coach alive.

TWIN TOWERS

Tiki Barber of the New York Giants leads the NFL in rushing with 240 yards (and a 10-yard average). His twin brother, Ronde, is the league leader in sacks with three.

Both are huge surprises.

Tiki’s single-season career-high rushing total is 511 yards, which came three years ago.

Ronde of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is a cornerback, a position hardly conducive to large sack totals. In three previous seasons, Ronde had a total of four sacks.

POLICY’S ILLEGAL POLICY

Cleveland Brown President Carmen Policy has been hit with heavy criticism for illegally circumventing the salary cap in his years in the 49er front office, a violation expected to result in a $500,000 fine.

But nobody has been harsher than Baltimore Raven owner Art Modell, who said of Policy’s actions: “I think it’s worse than drugs or gambling. It creates an imbalance on the field.”

Which is, in Modell’s mind, much worse than an imbalance in one’s pocketbook or one’s blood system.