L.A. Jobs for Crocodile Dundee

G’day. Paul Hogan’s next movie will be “Crocodile Dundee: Improbable Feats That Mick Dundee Will Pull Off Here”:

* Navigating rush-hour traffic on the Santa Ana Freeway

* Taming wild creatures in the L.A. River

* Leading the Clippers to a victory

* Getting a table at Spago without reservations

* Selling a screenplay on spec

THE FASHIONABLE POLICE: Claes Andreasson, a Swedish journalist based here, noticed that the San Marino Police Officers Assn. ran an ad in that city’s Tribune asking for the views of residents on some department matters.

Question No. 5 read:

“In the summer months, when temperatures are in the 90s and 100s, would you be willing for your police officers to wear a uniform of a polo shirt and shorts?”

In conservative San Marino?

Well, OK. But only if the shirts are by Lacoste and the shorts are pleated.

THEN, AGAIN . . . I can’t speak for one famous native of San Marino. No telling what the late Gen. George S. (Blood and Guts) Patton Jr. would think of such a uniform.

MAN OF THE BASEBALL WORLD: Sure, the victorious U.S. baseball team is set to play Cuba for the gold medal in the Olympics. But the team’s success should come as no surprise. After all, as the accompanying snapshot shows, U.S. coach Tommy Lasorda was scouting the international scene years ago when he was leading the Dodgers (see photo).

SLEEP (REAL) TIGHT: Joseph Bowen of Vista noticed an ad for a boat with sleeping capacity that varies, depending on your definition of comfort (see accompanying).

HIDDEN WONDERS OF THE VALLEY: Actor/comic Phil Proctor of Beverly Hills sent me a knickknack depicting a beach rarely visited, even by locals, I’ll bet (see photo).

I myself had never heard of this stretch of sand, though I recall that in the 1996 movie, “Escape From L.A.,” an earthquake leaves the Valley submerged under the San Fernando Sea.

The Valley had seceded by the underwater route.

IN DEFENSE OF BLONDS: Several readers honked at me on the phone and on the computer Tuesday after I poked fun at the driver of a Mustang convertible who locked her car with the top down. She was a blond, I pointed out.

Her defenders included a blond (Cynthia Smith), a non-blond (Anne Beaty) and three others whose hair color I didn’t inquire about (Alan Simon, Bill Tewksbury and Rick Shafarman).

They made similar points: They had or knew of security systems whose alarms are set off if someone reaches inside the car and tries to open a door. (And, Beaty said, the blond also was locking her trunk.)

I should have remembered that I’ve had little experience with car alarms, except those set off on the street by the wild throws of my baseball-playing 7-year-old.

miscelLAny:

A reader wrote to say that his wife’s sister in Honolulu enjoys reading this column. “Maybe,” he added, “it’s because you may be something of an unknown there that readers really do see your good side.”

Even blond? Thanks! (I think.)